The last guy I dated seemed very considerate at the beginning, he took me out to lunch, he bought me flowers one time, chocolates another time – not really personal, but a sweet gesture nonetheless.
Okay, so a couple of weeks go by and all these stop. Somehow, the situation always seems to be, that we don’t eat out or go out anywhere and I have this gut feeling he doesn’t want to spend any money on dates and that’s why. But he’s always eager to come and eat at my place, sometimes even suggesting to invite himself over (I declined that one). When he last came over, he asked if he should bring anything, I said juice, and he showed up empty-handed. Not a big deal in itself, but these add up.
And in bed. I have issues w anxiety, I’m afraid of intimacy bc of past trauma but I also love sex, but bc of the former I want to take it slow. I told him this, he seemed respectful and understanding…. but when we were making out in his car he actually tried to grab my hand and put it on his dick. After I’d told him I’d had trauma over sexual assault. And I mean, come on man, we’re necking in your car, I’m horny af too… why don’t you start by putting YOUR hand on my lady bits first? (Obviously I’d return the favor)
I really don’t get why someone would try to exploit someone like that. Is it sexism? In itself, no, bc it can absolutely work the other way around too. BUT the double standards, the false beliefs imposed by sexism are what make it so much easier for a man to do this to a womam and for the woman to still be the one apologizing for having gotten angry at him and doubting wether her own gut feeling is valid for the thousandth time.
I’m really sick of this. Sooo many instances of conditioning me, as a woman, to subscibe to society’s distorted value system, have led me to be in a place where while I am strong and independent and self-respecting, I still don’t recognise a toxic relationship until I’ve been in it for 3 months.
When will it become normal to ACTUALLY practice mutual respect, and not just pretend to for a while so you can score later on? It makes me sick that being a “nice guy” is used as bait to fuck women (which only gets more ironic when I add that I, as I’m sure a lot of other women do too, love sex, and do not need to be tricked into having it)
I’d rather just sit at home and respect myself than ever date again :(((