Relationships

jonathan

I’m a 27 yo guy. I’ve been in numerous relationships where disputes escalate to a point where my girlfriends will start hitting me and trying to beat me up. It’s not just with girlfriends though, various women I’ve known over the years have slapped me, hit me, kicked my crotch, or scratched me. Sometimes I feel like women don’t think it’s a big deal to be violent with men. They’ve never seriously hurt me as I’m bigger than they are but what bothers me is that no one shows any alarm, they all seem indifferent.

izzy

my ex boyfriend and i are on good terms and were hanging out one evening during christmas break drinking on a hill. neither of us had eaten dinner so we both got very drunk very quickly and we began to kiss. we made our way back to my house, both still very intoxicated, i was blacking out. we started having sex but it was really painful but i didn’t know what to do or how to stop it. he went home and i woke up in a lot of pain the next day and i felt really violated but i didn’t feel like i can talk to anyone about it because i really care about him as a friend and i really don’t want to make a big deal out of what happened when we were both so drunk but i think about it a lot. i wish i could summon the bravery to talk to my best friend about it.

JB

I’m a 17 year old trans guy, and was in a psychologically and sexually abusive relationship with my ex-girlfriend. She raped me 4 times (possibly more as my head has blocked a lot of it out) and was emotionally manipulative to the point where I was self harming because of the relationship. I felt like I couldn’t talk about it because as a guy what I was going through wouldn’t be taken seriously. I was physically bigger than her and was always considered to be in a position where I could have said no. It was only since I started dating my new girlfriend that I started dealing with it. I’d had conversations with the people in my life about how trauma is less important when it comes to men because its not as common and as it is nearly always assumed that men want it, and it means they feel like they can’t say no.

Too stong

I cannot count how many times I have been told that no man will ever want a woman who is as “strong and independent” as me. How men need to feel like they are protecting someone, they need to be in control, they don’t need a woman who can already give herself everything. Yes, I felt good when I was single and over 30. I did not feel like I was running out of time, or needed to snag a partner quickly. I was living my own life and loving it. My boyfriend does not need me to be dependent on him. We both depend on each other for different things, and we both support each other’s dreams and ambitions and everything. He loves that I’m a strong woman with her own set of values and it doesn’t threaten him at all. Of course, now I get picked on because he’s a few years younger than me. Like, society can really only accept women when we’re dependent and subordinate.

A.

idk how to write some of these things that bother me. i am 24,so i had this boyfriend when i was 19-23. He must have been kind and all that at the beginning, though I remember very little of that. i got a vaginal infection after the first few days of sex with him. i dont think that it ever resolved tbh, it still bothers me. but months later after the initial infection, i was horny, and i begun doing anal with him. ther is this day that i said no, it hurts, stop. But he did not stop. instead he said that I would get used to it. IDK..I was shocked, so I pushed him off, you know..it was valentines, i dont like valentines anymore. i often wonder, however, why i forgave him. isnt it rape? He told me that he was enjoying it much, that that is why he never heard me say no. Is that even a thing?You enjoy yourself good, dont even know the other person is saying stop.But yet, you can form a reply,about getting used to it. then this guy never really was concerned with my health. He did not even google my illness. But he only took me to hospital when I asked him to. He did not offer, no. Whatsapp with that? Ik he would have taken his close male friends to hospitaal if they were sick. He disgust me, makes me worry I have more than just a vaginal infection. sometimes writing this may not help, you know, people-I need someone to listen and comment accordingly. but I understand, and am not hating on this site,i just hurt I think. coz I know it is because he was a man that this happened..like girls, even strangers may not jam anyting in your ass and tell you, that you will get used to it.

Cristina Berenguer

My (now ex-)boyfriend used to treat me like a piece of shit while claiming that he was “a feminist” and saying that he couldn’t stand women being treated in the way they are. He was always sharing feminist videos on his social media. We had an open relationship because he had asked me to (while he always was saying it was because I would not be able to have a closed relationship – aka slut-shaming me). When we were with our friends he made me look like I was the one bossing him around, him being innocent and this poor boy who was always behind me, doing whatever I wanted. He tried to get in bed with friends of mine, while I was in the same room. He raped me through coercion multiple times – including the first time we had “sex”-, he told me my English (which is not our first language) was bad, he told a friend of mine that he was only a 5% sexually satisfied with me. He was obsessed with anal sex and he always wanted to try it with me, when he very well knew I hated it and it hurt a lot for me. In a nutshell, he disturbed my sexual life to a point where I would start crying in the middle of doing it. Still now, sometimes, I can’t have sex with my couple because I can’t stop thinking of that. Never respected my boundaries, gaslighted me and treated me like I was ugly and stupid. Now I have a masters’ degree in Plant Biotechnology and I will start my PhD this year.

Ashleigh

When my boyfriend of over seven years and I started dating, I was really gung-ho about having sex. I’d had sex once before and it was excruciating, but my partner at the time was really understanding. It was me who pushed for it despite the pain and the utter bloody mess I was afterward. With my current boyfriend, I was the first initiator, but I still couldn’t have sex without it hurting terribly bad. I’d fake orgasms so that I could end it without causing a fuss or making a scene. Within our first year of dating, I was pressured into having sex pretty much every time after the first few, and I just didn’t have the language to stand up for myself (I was 17-18). On two occasions, he pouted so much and just wouldn’t accept that I said no. We’re still together, and our relationship is a lot different. I’ve been able to speak up for myself more, and even though I still struggle with the pain, I’ve never felt like I had to give in to sex that I didn’t want. The problem is, I don’t know how to deal with what happened, particularly with those times I feel I was coerced. I’m still with the same man, and I love him deeply. I feel like I can’t talk about it. Like if it was a big enough deal, I wouldn’t still be with him. I am afraid of the judgement of my own character, like how could I stay or let this happen more than once? Further, I don’t even know how to talk to him about it. Will it just put a rift between us? Will it make me feel better?

Kiera

I was eighteen and at a christian music festival with my church and I snuck off with two boys I didn’t know to smoke cigarettes without being seen. One put me on his lap and kissed me. When I kissed back he carried me into their tent. I said no, but his friend held me down while he forced himself on me. He texted me the next day that it was the best pussy of his life. I was twenty one and had decided to leave my fiance while I was visiting my family for a week. I came home and he tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and told him no. He shoved me facedown in the mattress and did it anyways. I was twenty seven and having sex with a man when he put it in my ass. I told him immediately to take it out. He covered my mouth and just kept telling me to breathe deeply as I bawled my eyes out until he was done. He texted me the next day asking if he could see me again.

Carol

Me: Expresses self as whole human being, warts and all Him: I preferred it when you were cute and fun Me: I asked you nicely 5 times to pay that bill Him: Still, I preferred it when you were cute and fun. Make a clever joke about how other men are the problem. That’s more sexy I’m finding myself almost physically unable to coddle men anymore. Why can’t they be adults?

Harri

I had already been on a few successful dates with a guy I was seeing. When it came to paying for the bill on the 4th date however, he gave me a half-joking but ultimately very patronising lecture informing me that I am an ‘independent women’ and that because its 2019 I need to pay for my own drinks. This came as such a shock to me as on all the previous dates we had split the bill and I had never once suggested that I wanted otherwise. I am not sure why he felt the need to say this as I am not someone that would be comfortable with a man paying for me. It seemed as though he was worried about being the victim of reverse sexism and therefore felt to need to mansplain it to me regardless of whether I had given him reason to or not. Whenever I think about his outburst I cringe.