Reddit double standards

I recently went on Reddit for some advice about my relationship. I was honest, admitting a stupid mistake I had made with my boyfriend (I got mad at him for getting me not what I wanted but something else from the store, and I said some resentful things to him that I regretted, and I wanted to find a way to make it right). The responses I got were extreme, all of them starting with the accusation that I am emotionally abusing him, some of them rooting for him to run from this “abusive situation”, lots of them writing stuff like “he will need months of therapy to rehabilitate from this damage, victims of abuse need a safe space where they can say what they want without having to worry about what their abuser will do.”

Come on. I said some shitty things, and immediately I regretted it and went to seek help even from total strangers. I am not an abuser. Everyone makes mistakes. But these people tore me apart. Even when I reacted to their comments, clarified details, told them I was aware my comment to my boyfriend was a lousy one and I’d had a crappy childhood and stuff like this sometimes still creeps up on me, but I want to stop it, and I’m in therapy, and I’m doing everything I can not to become emotionally manipulative like my mother – even then, they called me an abuser and shamed me for my one mistake and claimed I must behave like this all the time.
On the other hand, I read lots of other posts on Reddit that day, and found that there were many accounts of way worse abuse done by men to women, men who did not seem to see the error of their ways at all, and yet they were being judged waaaay less harshly than I was for admitting that I made a not so nice comment to my boyfriend. Why is it that we women are expected to be perfect? It also hurt that when I mentioned that my bf makes less than me, and was struggling financially so I helped him out, some of the redittors wrote stuff like “you’re making him financially dependant on you so you can abuse him more easily”. Fuck that! And if I’d made another choice, and not helped him out so that he could sort stuff out on his own? What would they have written then? “You cold-hearted bitch, you won’t even help your boyfriend in hard times, you’re abusing him”?
It seems that NO MATTER what women do, we will get hated on. Try your best, and they will still find a problem with you.