I have never been drop-dead gorgeous. Now in my 30s I have grown to be comfortable with my looks and wouldn’t trade them, and I can really rock my look and be me. But though there is nothing inherently wrong with my face and apparently I have a very nice body (told to me only by a select handful of exes and jealous women coworkers), I have never been the girl that men pursue JUST for her looks (I have been pursued just for sex, but that’s a bit different). I have seen that sort of thing happen to other women, though. I have a friend who is 5-6 years younger than me, has an angelic face, golden hair and a very skinny, yet womanly build. Pretty much literally every time I have been somewhere with her, I have witnessed some dude try to sweet-talk her into letting him take her out. The way that men suddenly get interested in whatever insignificant details of a stranger’s life such as “oh, so you’re a light sleeper, I guess?!?!” And the suddenly angelic tone that men will take with her, as if reading a bedtime story to a baby. All for her looks. My friend is brutally intelligent for the record but that’s never why she gets this treatment. While I sit there, and if I try to introduce myself or take part in the conversation just because, you know, we’re all human beings and we can talk to each other, they will act offended that I spoke to them and give me curt, one-word answers, never making eye contact.

I would never want this treatment, it makes me sick, but it also makes me angry that apparently the only way to get treated with respect by men as a woman is to be some sort of blonde thin booby angel princess? Being just normal makes it offensive if you even speak?
Also, free drinks. I am not out to get other people to cover my drinks, I can pay for my own, thanks but what about the time I was in a hostel abroad and one night a group of young travellers got together to party, and they invited me to join them, and also a group of americans including a thin, blonde attractive young woman? And they offered her a glass of wine, but I had to ask if I could try some too, so they gave me a glass but after I took two sips they wanted to take it back and the guy asked me ” but you only said you wanted to try some, you didn’t say you’d drink the whole glass?!” And then he offered the thin blonde girl another glass. Seriously?

I am happily engaged now, so after lockdown is over, if I go out I will be seen as so-and-so’s fiancèe, but it still bugs me that when I was single I got treated as less than human on many occasions just because other women in my vicinity were seen as more attractive than me. Like, what about just having a conversation with someone? Just for the fun of talking? No, if there’s a prettier girl there, better invest your energy in her.