Petra

I think that if I ever get raped I would not be able to tell MY OWN MOTHER, because she would say that it was my fault for wearing indecent clothes or walking alone at night. She would often say that man cannot contain themselves. I think she would be sad with me and all that… but I can just imagine, while doing a rape kit in the hospital, she would say: oh why didn’t you listen to me.. somehow she would have ended up blaming me for the situation. And I have talked to her about my fears, and how she is to blame I am so afraid of living because of the dangers in the world and she also often says.. if you stay home, nothing bad will happen. I told her she is to blame im scared of ever using a taxi or walking home alone at evening, not even night. But she denies she would react that way. I know her well enough though.. what bothers me so much as well is also that me and my brother are both studying medicine, but he gets all the glory.. so does my other brother-a lawyer. My sister – veterinarian and myself, we are both younger, yet we are both most pushed to have children when I am 21 and my brothers in ther thirties..A lot of the times when we get text messages (a group one via imessage) it goes smth like this: MY AMAZING TOBY FUTURE DR. MED. PHD. ANESTESHIOLOGIST GOLDEN SON CHILD, MY OTHER WONDERFUL SON LAWYER DR. idk what.. AND MY TWO BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS. So what ? All we get is pretty ? And oh petra don’t eat too much, your boyfriend will leave you. Oh Petra if only you would have dressed better the boy wouldn’t have left. I cannot believe I was hearing these words from a fellow woman. I told her MULTIPLE times, that if a boy leaves me because I don’t wear mascara enough, I DO NOT NEED HIM….. like… BYE.. I’d rather be single my entire life than to have a man like that (as if I would ever even date a man of sorts). My brothers had it easier.. as a young teenager I would often ask my parents, how come Toby got to go out as a teenager and stay out late or sleep over at a friends place.. my parents’ response was always: because he is a boy. And I get why my parents are more cautious about their daughters, because the world is a mean place for a woman.. but what they don’t understand that by laying low, not going out, staying home, where nothing bad can happen, means you let the bad guys win. And even if something bad could have been avoided by me staying home, at least I will have lived and continue to do so.