I was babysitting a 7 and 9 year old pair of boys. The 7 year old started to explain to me that one of his male friends did something stupid, so he insulted him in the most powerful way he knew how – “I told him he was being SUCH a girl.” These two boys live in one of the wealthiest and highly educated parts of the US, which two highly educated and successful parents- one of whom happens to be a woman. If our society begins our young boys’ education by teaching them that the worst thing they could call someone is a girl, the association of anything related to begin a woman will always be akin to weakness, second class status, and misogyny. Being a girl or a woman is not an insult. The longer we condone this type of socialization, the more we fail our young men and women alike.
This morning my husband made an ill timed comment about me being a nag and hen pecking him. A seemingly innocuous comment? I think not! The antagonistic comment stirred an inner fire in my belly of equality. He unleashed an oppressed beast of rage that has been harboring for 10 long years. My crime, making a comment about my having to clean the dogs diarrhea off our bedspread. I could enter into the much argued debate, that if the men in our lives actually addressed the imbalance of house hold chores I, we, women would not have to ‘nag’. I could highlight how frustrated I am that women “nag” and yet men “request”. Not today, today I am fired up because his statement was made in front of our daughter. I will be damned if I will allow anyone in our house to teach my daughter that if she speaks up and uses her voice against a man that this is a negative quality. I will not stand for her to receive the message that women speaking their mind is a negative trait. That she should be submissive and not have a voice in her relationships. The fact that I can not stop media inaccurately portraying our strong women leaders “bossy”, “opinionated” or “nags” Is a very real shame. However I CAN stop my daughter receiving this message in her own house! Stand with me, raise strong daughters. I love my husband, but he picked the wrong language, wrong day!
Landlord comes over to look at our broken fridge, sees our shelf of craft beer, proceeds to enthusiastically discuss different breweries with my male partner, not even registering the possibility that the beer might not be his.
As I clicked into my YouTube account today I was confronted with a thumbnail of a woman smiling, unknown to her, with a maniac standing behind her, chainsaw at the ready about to kill her. It’s a joke apparently. I hate violence and I did not want to see this. It was an advert for smartphone company ‘OnePlus’. Incidentally, it’s not the first time I’ve seen an advert on YouTube in which a woman is about to be attacked by a man with a chainsaw. The previous time was a seated woman in a dark room, confused as to her location, who is suddenly attacked by a man who jumps out wearing a ski mask, holding a chainsaw. The ad was for an online gambling site. Again, I didn’t want to see it, but it played before a song I clicked to watch. I complained to YouTube (Google) on both occasions and was met with deaf ears. Yesterday I saw a real news item whereby a male jogger in London randomly pushed a woman into the path of an oncoming bus. Lucky she was not killed. There is a definite pattern.
Landlords son who is in his early 20’s, this was his contribution to a conversation at a dinner I was having with his Dad and his Dad’s friends, it was in response to a discussion involving recent allegations in the news of sexual assault by a celebrity. I hate all of this consent stuff I mean it’s not necessary, we all know it’s just so girls can use it for revenge and say they were raped to get back at men. When challenged by myself and the only other female in the room, he refused to listen and told us to stop talking about it! Will be happily finishing my rental contract soon.
my older brother’s friend (4 years older than me) came over our house frequently. he has fingered me, exposed himself to me, he has locked me in the bathroom so i can’t escape from him, he has dragged me across the carpet in my living room till i have rug burn all over my body, and he has routinely walked into my bedroom while i’m sleeping and i wake up to him having intervourse with me. these occurances have happened multiple times since i was in 7th grade, so frequent that i have lost count and they have all happened without my consent. i feel like there is nothing i can do because i can never forget the images. i’m now 16 and i’ve never revealed this to anyone because i’m ashamed and do not want anyone to pity me or to feel as though they could have done something to stop this.
So many things have happened lately. In no particular order: I returned to my university city to attend a wedding of a good friend lately. I am in a very serious relationship with a man I adore, but he did not accompany to this wedding. I often spoke about my boyfriend during the wedding and reception. Still, I had a creep who KNEW about him constantly hanging around me, wanting to taking photos with just me, wanting to dance with just me etc. I mean, as soon as I was away from him, catching up with other people, he would appear and try to monopolize my time. I didn’t get a moment of peace, but I remained polite. However, my politeness ended when he tried to con me into taking him into my hotel room! If this guy had actually stopped and tried to get to know me for 10 minutes, he would have learned that I went to university and lived for 7 years in this city in which he was born and lived his entire 26 or so years. And if he had known that, he would have known how stupid and transparent his lie of “To be honest, I’ll be sleeping on the street unless I can stay in your hotel room with you” sounded to me before he had even said it. The city in question is TINY. wherever he lived would not have been more than a 10-15 taxi drive away but it was probably much closer than that. When he used that line, my face dropped. I stared at him hard for a few seconds, as if studying him, and I gave him a very blunt “no” and walked away. I found out later that no long before he tried this with me, he asked a long time friend of his to be his girlfriend. It’s really had an affect on her, he apparently thinks he’s messing with her head. Creep with a capital “C”. Yesterday, I was at work and a man about 15 years my senior came in. We spoke mostly in English but I tried French when he asked if I spoke it. I’m no great shakes at French; I speak enough of it to get by, depending on the conversation, and it’s by no means perfect. Non the less, creep number 2 proceeded to tell me how sexy he found me to be. I immediately felt threatened and sick. He went on to pry as to whether I was married or not. Recently, I’ve taken to wearing an engagement style ring for these exact situations (yes stuff like this happens THAT often) so immediately said “No, engaged!”, hoping this would make him stop. It didn’t make him stop. He asked me my boyfriends name, proceeded to tell me that my boyfriends name “makes him sound like a Muslim? Is he?? Is he mixed race?”. I said “No… he’s not”. It got awkward and he soon left but I realised a little time after that the man himself was probably Muslim and mixed-race and he was trying to gauge if I’m “into that”. Lastly, off the top of my head, there is the creep who thinks we’re BFFs, He was in at my work a few months ago and I was nice to him because a) I’m a nice person anyway and b) it’s my job. NOW, whenever he’s in the city, he literally comes in to chat (as if I’m not busy, y’know, working) and gaze adoringly at me. Seriously, he will kind of hang off my desk and just stare at me while he’s i love with me and call me things like “babe” and tell me things like “if you ever get bored of your boyfriend, I’ll take you to Ibiza, I love to travel! Maybe we can get married there!”. He actually took off one of his tacky rings and made me try it on to see if it would fit and I could keep it as an engagement ring! And I CANNOT tell him to stop etc. because he’s a regular and I’ll be the one to pay for it if I do! He makes my skin crawl. I have to smile and laugh along while he tells me how I should leave the love of my life for him (he’s so BASIC in addition to being a creep) and I have to make conversation because if I don’t, he won’t say anything; he’s content to just stare at me adoringly in silence. I dread the next time he comes in on a slow day because, without other customers who require my attention, he will literally stay and put me through this for hours.
I’m sick of being told that men don’t get jobs or accepted to classes because less qualified women got their spots due to some diversity program. I’m sick of hearing how every one of my (very few) female co-workers in tech only have their jobs because they are attractive. Do they think this about me too? How do they all seem to know they are better than every woman (typically whom they’ve never met) that gets chosen? Why were other men placed if that was the case? Just because you were rejected doesn’t make it someone else’s fault. I’m rejected all the time for things and I don’t go around saying it’s because I’m a woman. Every time a man says this, I feel as though they are referring to me. It leads me to respect them less as a peer and a coworker.
Why are many women’s clothes so impractical and designed to be sexy instead of comfortable even in workwear? I was looking for a new shirt to wear at work the other day, so many low necklines that would show my bra if I leaned over so I would have to awkwardly hold the neckline of my shirt together with the other hand if I had to pick something off the floor, see-through fabrics that I’d have to wear another top underneath which is hot and uncomfortable,clinging fabrics,blouses and shirts with odd cut-out areas, jeans designed to “enhance” your bum instead of being comfortable casual clothing, tops and jumpers that are too short and useless for keeping warm, and my pet hate FAKE POCKETS! Seriously what is wrong with adding some pockets I can actually keep useful things in? Not to mention bras that have almost no support but so much padding they’d probably double as body armour. It is so difficult to find a bra that is both supportive and not so heavily padded it feels like there’s a sofa stuffed down my shirt! And don’t get me started on shoes, are they designed by people who hate us all and want to torture us?
This was a group of electricians in my home. I hear a discussion about dust, and one man calls the other a ‘little girl’, and that he is just like the tenants for moaning about the dust. When he comes in I say ‘I’m not complaining’. He then says that women always complain. I am a woman. He then says ‘no offence’! and carries on insulting women! I say ‘oh yes, all women are the same, we are all ninnies’. He shuts up at this point. When he leaves he calls me darling. This man is less than half my age.