When I was in 10th Grade, I got really drunk with a friend of mine at his house. He was two years older than me. He had been kissing me all night and I went along with it because I was so hammered that I wasn’t thinking straight. I thought it was sort of funny and din’t take it too seriously.
We kept drinking and he turned off most of the lights in his room and got me to lay down on his bed. He didn’t lock the door, but I had no way of getting home even if I did leave. He coerced me into stuff I didn’t really want to do.
I remember asking him to stop and that I din’t really want to but he continued asking. I guess I gave in eventually. I felt disgusted with myself, but wrote it off as a mistake and that I was “too drunk” and I “didn’t say no”.
It’s been more than a year now and it still plagues me because I still haven’t reconciled in my mind wether it was assault. I din’t forcibly say no, so I just feel like it was my fault.