anonymous

yesterday, i was walking past my school building and across the street i saw two guys who appeared slightly older than me walking in my direction. I glanced at them and continued walking down the street, thinking nothing of it, but then they started shouting things at me, commenting on my appearance. It made me super uncomfortable because i’m only 13 and i’m still trying to feel comfortable in my own body, so when they shouted stuff about it i felt panicked. I was catcalled last year but i wasn’t upset, just angry. But this felt different, because i was genuinely in shock. I continued walking away without looking at them or saying anything, pretending i hadn’t heard them. But then they started shouting at me for not saying thank you, and i think they swore at me (i can’t be sure because it all kind of felt like a blur). I called a guy friend and he didn’t seem bothered by it, and in the background i heard my other friends laughing. This stuff is so normalised that they genuinely thought it was just a casual joke. I sat under a tree and started crying because i felt like i did something wrong. What if wore jeans instead of shorts? What if i hadn’t glanced at them? What if i said stop? I can’t sleep anymore, and i feel afraid to leave my house. I was facetiming my guy friend earlier and he cut me off to tell me how “he’d tell me his opinion, but i’d call him sexist”. He said that it bothers him when i say guys catcall me because “not every guy is like that”, which i know, but i feel unable to talk about my experiences with people because i get shut down. I know the catcalling wasn’t a big deal but i feel broken and frightened. I feel like i deserved it and it was my fault.