Marlene

Last Friday I went rollerblading down the river in my city. It is a very popular area for doing sports – biking, skating, running. In the evenings it becomes a party place – even though there is a pandemic, people gather there and drink alcohol.

It happened around noon, in very strong daylight. After several kilometres of training I stopped on the side of the pavement to take my skates off. When I bended down, to reach my feet I felt a strong slap on my buttock. I shouted “ouch!” because it really hurt me. At first I didn’t know what just happened. All I remember was a yellow and red t-shirt of that man, who run away on his bike.

When I realised what has just happened I started crying. I looked around – there was a group of teenagers walking next to me. There were people sitting on the benches. NOONE reacted.

I felt embarrased, disgusting and helpless. There is nothing I can do to that man. And the worst thing is that he thinks it was ok. THEY THINK IT IS OK.

After some time I start to get distanced from that situation. Even though, when I lie in my bed I feel uncomfortable about my body. I don’t like my buttock any more – I feel like there is a mark on it.

I had many situations like this in my life. And they have always had the same impact on my psyche – that thrilling helplessness.