I have a wonderful partner. He does, however, come from a very sexist past, which he is proud to be trying to do the opposite of. In the beginning of our relationship, he used to occasionally mention things he did that he assumed my previous boyfriends didn’t, and expect to be lauded as some sort of hero for it. Some examples: cooking, doing the dishes after a meal, focusing also on my pleasure when getting intimate. It’s true that he is a much better boyfriend overall, than the previous ones, but they weren’t sexist to the point of expecting me to be a 1950s housewife or raping me. They were just not as good a match for me. But I would never have dated a man who expected me to cook all his meals and do all the housework, or one who only cared about his own pleasure in bed. There are no bonus points for not being that way. Not all women are conditioned to being horribly oppressed, and then suddenly awfully grateful when someone does not do that to them. That’s not where the bar starts, at least for me. My boyfriend is so used to seeing the example where the man “gives permission” to the woman to do things, that he assumes I need his permission and thinks he is generous for not making me do stuff his father made his mother do.