Last year I was at my ex’s place, when we were still together. We were in bed and he was giving me a back massage. At some point, he thought it would be a good idea to penetrate me from behind without my consent. In that moment I froze completely and was not able to make a movement or say anything. When I finally became conscious of what was happening, my biggest worry was not my own integrity and dignity as a human being, but if it would be ok to tell him he was hurting me, as I was embarrassed to be as a prude, a “prick-teaser” or a spoilsport in the eyes of society. He carried on for about ten minutes, which felt like hours, when I finally found the strength to stop him.
Then I realised that rape is not always done by a stranger, in the night and in a dark passage. Rape can happen with somebody you know, and right during or after a consented situation.
Women should not feel embarrassed to say when they don’t want to do something or have something done to them, because of what we have learned in this patriarchal society.