Hello – female, plus size, technology executive here! It has not been easy being in technology for over 20 years.
– I have been told the tone of my voice lacked ‘gravitas’.
– I have been assumed to be the ‘administrative assistant’ in meetings when I am, in fact, the leader of the group.
– I flew to a meeting when 6.5 months pregnant (WITH TWINS) and asked my work to pay for an upgrade to “business class”, it was denied and I got dinner plate sized bruises on my hips because I was in the bulkhead seats where the armrest of the seat didn’t lift up. I stood for most of the flight and the rest of the flight I “jammed” my hips in a too small seat causing the bruising.
– I have been asked about what my husband does and how many children I have during more interviews than I can count. (Not a legal question)
– Earlier in my career, I was told I could not work in technical support because I clearly couldn’t lift 30 lbs. At the time, I had twin toddlers who weighed over 30 lbs each and I routinely lifted them both simultaneously.
– I displayed a few sentences of mild anger once during a meeting and was laid off 3 weeks later without notice and with a severance that I subsequently negotiated to double the amount because the performance review I received 2 months earlier was stellar. Lesson learned – no negative emotion allowed from women, ever.
– I had a male colleague refuse to walk with me in the hallway or attend a happy hour if I was there because he could not be seen associating with a ‘plus size’ woman. He would literally sprint away from me in group settings.
– I have been told that my physical appearance did not inspire others and as a leader I should be in better shape. (I have two metabolic diseases that I cannot change.)
– I have had a male client gush over my much slimmer female colleague’s “youth”.(We are the exact same age.)
– I have been told that my physical appearance lacked “professionalism” despite investing tens of thousands of dollars in tailored corporate suits. Once, I was told this by my Boss who was wearing a grey suit almost identical to mine.
– I have been told I look more approachable with more makeup on.
– I have been told that I am “too nice” and I smile “too much” to be taken seriously as a woman executive and I would be “eaten alive” by the tough clients I was hired to serve so I was reassigned to “nicer” clients. Not unexpectedly, those “nice” clients had a much smaller technology budget.
– I was told by two bosses of mine that the reason I could not make one customer happy was that “big giant problem Kayleigh has” – I said “WHAT IS THE PROBLEM – I CAN FIX IT!?” they said sheepishly that that client stated they did not like women. I moved to a new, lateral role and was replaced by a man who both bosses admitted had much much fewer technical and leadership skills than I did.
– I was told my presentations would be better received if I smiled more.
– My current CIO said once to a room of colleagues – “I don’t understand a single word this woman says – can someone interpret it for me??!” I am proud to say I kept my cool as my words were restated for him by my male colleague. What that CIO does not know is that I have been in toastmasters for years and in my youth won 8 regional and national speech contests in high school and college. Understanding me should not be a problem and I can very easily restate or clarify my message as needed without assistance.
– I once asked for an explanation of a “sports” metaphor a male used during a meeting and was told to stop undermining communications and the flow of the meeting.
– I am often the only female in the room.
– I attended a prestigious professional development program within a fortune 50 company and graduated as one of the top TWO students in the program but did not get any job/promotion opportunities while most of the other 70 graduates did. I was one of a handful of women in the program and at my highest weight due to a Thyroid issue.
– I once had my job reclassified to a new lesser job band but my title and salary stayed the same without anyone letting me know. It was to ensure that particular job band met EEO targets for women employees at that level. This “on paper” demotion caused me to lose out on a promotion 2 years later because it appeared that I had not been working in the executive band long enough to qualify for the promotion.
Not only have my accomplishments been downplayed over the years, I have long suspected that my mistakes were magnified and more costly to my career compared to my male peers. This has been borne out in recent research. I have had to be much more productive, produce greater results, be more reliable, more technical, more imaginative, and more gently assertive to get any recognition at all at work.
Once, I managed 145 developers working on Wall Street Trading software. They would not listen to me about code freeze deadlines and timelines were slipping. As a response, I wired up woot lights (https://www.woot.com/offers/usb-powered-woot-off-lightsights) to everyone’s cubicles – if code freeze deadlines slipped the offender’s lights flashed amber on their cube walls until the deadline was met. Male executives walking by the cubicles would help me enforce the deadline because I informed them that they lights should not be flashing under any circumstances. Suddenly, our on time delivery skyrocketed. And, it looked like a fun, techie initiative…
The recent research to reveal the extent and the pervasiveness sexism in the office has actually inspired me to continue fighting the good fight. My message to myself is always: “Don’t quit on the person you came here to become”.
My medical issues may make slimness out of reach and I am also undeniably female – but I keep thriving and striving. I can know see the challenges I have faced in my career through a much clearer lens. Sincerely, Kayleigh – Chief Technical Officer at a fortune 500 sized organization.