For me the most shocking experiencer was waking up to millions of little things that I previously thought were normal, that indeed they are sexist. Many within my own family. The fact that despite now having to work 8 hours a day, it is solely the women in the family doing 90% of the cooking and cleaning up while the men eat and put their feet up and have intellectual discussions after their shifts. That they are all somehow really bad at doing dishes, can’t handle the laundry machine when we are around, and so many other forms of weaponized incompetence so insidious, that it just seems easier for us to do it all and let them rest and read their newspapers, all the while lecturing us about whatever it is they are reading at the time. The little comments about the woman being in a short skirt when she was raped, all the lectures about every and any topic, not assuming we know about certain topics or how to do things properly, the comments about driving, about being too emotional, about how men are the logical thinkers, the list goes on and on and on and on. And worst of all, the women who have internalized these beliefs and actions, to the point that if you give voice to concerns you are shot down by women in your own family or circle for expressing these views. It’s literally everywhere, just the other day while out I noticed all the women in the group brought food for everyone at the table while the men just helped themselves, the empathetic disproportions are palpable but only if you have been awaken to them, many women are sleepwalking their way though all this as normal, and something that we should just accept. All the excuses we make for men’s bad behaviour because boys will be boys, are rooted in our historical financial reliance on them. I’ve been fortunate enough to break away from this, first and foremost financially, which I believe is the key to change, and now I see it clearly, but many women do not have the luxury of doing so and therefore create excuses, because it is still mostly easier to go along with it all than venture off on your own as a single woman in this world. If you expect your partner to be truly equal, it will take years and years to find him, if he exists at all that is, and while you do, it’s of course your fault that you are single…you are too picky, they say. If every woman was in my position, which is that of privilege, I believe the whole system would collapse and in fact I see it happening already. Humanity, childrearing, families, rests on the shoulders of the enslaved woman, bearing the brunt of the childcare, the housework, the family care, the emotional labour, and the blame. In this day and age you throw 8 hours of work into it to top it off, and the fight for equal share of the household is on you and mostly you just get labelled the nag, the emotional dragon. It’s exhausting and just not worth it anymore. But for many women it’s not a choice still, due to lack of financial dependence.
