Anon

I am a manager, responsible for the work of my team, the budget, the premises and supervising more than 10 volunteers. One of the volunteers often tells jokes and makes ‘funny’ comments which are racist and/or sexist. I get on well with the volunteer and because we laugh and I create an enjoyable atmosphere at work he does not take seriously the fact that his comments are at best inappropriate in the workplace and at worse offensive.

I have called him out on his comments numerous times. Each time he either shrugs it off with “you know what I’m like” or “it’s just a joke, you know me I’m a funny guy” or “it’s the way I am, I can’t change”. When I try to have a serious conversation with him he either says something like “I’ve been naughty, have I?” and winks or attempts to change the subject.

He is above 70 years old and believes that his behaviour is due to being a different generation. This is not true – none of the other volunteers are disrespectful and they are the same age.

Recently I have tried to be more direct. I have said “you can’t say that”, “that is not appropriate for the workplace”. I have even said “there are standards of behaviour for the workplace and I would hate to have to report you”. He regards this as bureaucracy.

This morning he said something offensive and I said “I’ve told you before, John, you can’t say things like that. Not these days. Please don’t make me report you”. I was tired and irritable and I could have phrased it better, but after months and months of this behaviour I wanted to try to get through to him directly. He said “bollocks”. I was very surprised (he’s never sworn before) and said, rather sharply, “John, please don’t swear at me. I don’t want to have to report you”. He replied “I like volunteering here. Please don’t make this somewhere I don’t like coming to.”

Several hours passed and we discussed work as usual. A few moments ago he apologised for swearing at me this morning. I thanked him for apologising and, probably unwisely, tried again to explain my position. I remembered that in the past he had told a story about seeing a black friend experience racism and had said that he had said “we’re all people”. I reminded him of that story and said that if that was what he truly believed he should be in favour of equality and see that women are people. He deliberately misunderstood what I was saying and said “well, that’s what I believe. Are you saying that regarding everyone as people is offensive?” I said no, that it was his comments that were offensive. He said “well, that’s what I believe, and in my opinion we’re all entitled to our own beliefs and values”. He turned it around to imply that I was depriving him of his beliefs and values. He looked offended and I had to abandon the conversation because I could see that he was coming close to wanting to report ME for infringing his freedom of expression.

The fact that he is a volunteer makes it trickier to take formal action or have direct consequences. I hope he will leave, but I fear that will only happen if HE becomes offended by ME, and I risk becoming the bad guy and being branded a bad manager.