boyfriend

malena

I was dating this guy for about a month, and we always came to my house and made out. But I made it really clear since the begging what my boundaries where. he kept on asking if he could finger me, and I kept on saying no and pushing him away as well as distracting him with soft kisses. he kept on asking persistently and reaching Down my pants. after a while I got tired and just letted him go down my pants, even though I told him to stop while he was at it and that he was hurting me, he kept on going. he said it was ‘to please me’. and I felt like it was part of my duty as his girlfriend, but I was extremely uncomfortable. after that he made me ‘return the favour’ and he made me put my hands down his pants. it has been 4 months since this happened, and at first it didn’t hit me that I had been through sexual assault, I thought there could have been something more I could have done. and to this day I still feel partly guilty and responsible even though I know I’m not. and I really want to move on. but I have lost all my friends because of this, people now call me a slut, since he went on first and told his side of the story. no one believes me except two of my closest friends, and even my mom said that it was my fault and could have done something more, that I was leading him on and couldn’t leave him hanging. I don’t know if you will get to read this, but I saw the video on wannatalkaboutit and it just made me feel so much better and like I wasnt alone. because I then also think, people have gone through rape with random strangers, and I try to undervalue what actually happened to me. and I’m sorry if I wrote too much but I had to vent. its just that I’m tired of feeling like an object and very time someone touches me I flinch, I can’t get into a new relationship because I feel ike they won’t respect my boundaries and I am just tired of the world being this way. I think the work you are doing is amazing. thank you so much for letting me share one of my stories on your platform! you are letting us feel heard and valid <3 im 14 btw

Z

I was 15 staying the night with my boyfriend at the time. He pushed me onto the bed and started kissing me. I kept saying no and trying to push away but he kept going. After about 10 minutes of trying he finally gave up and said that ‘if we weren’t going to do anything he might as well play with his friends’ and started playing an online game. I’ve never felt more used in my life.

Anon

In 2019, I was engaged to a man who is a third grade teacher. He is white and 50 years old. Even though we were sexually intimate regularly, I believe he gave me a roofie and assaulted me. He took me to a bar in an expensive restaurant where I had one drink. I have absolutely no memory after consuming some of that drink. He told me he had to carry me out. He photographed me slumped over in his car. He said we had “crazy” sex. I had bruises and cuts on my body. I remember nothing. But based solely on his admissions, I believe he put a roofy in my drink at that bar for the purpose of asserting power and control over me and assaulting me.

anon

when i lost my virginity with my now ex, i wasn’t ready. on the day, i met with my then boyfriend outside and decided to not wear a bra as i was wearing a big jumper and wanted to be comfortable. i think he took this as an indicator that i wanted to lose my virginity that day, despite me saying no multiple times until i gave up and said a reluctant yes. we were in a park and also had no condoms so there were lots of reasons as to why i didn’t want to have sex. i felt very uncomfortable the whole time especially considering he was very experienced and we were outside. the day after i went to get a morning after pill alone. i didn’t realise until a few months later, after i had broken up him how bad i felt about the situation. during this relationship, he also took videos of me giving him head without my consent, and coerced me into saying yes many times. i am now scared of being with anyone sexually as i don’t want my no’s to be ignored again.

Jane

My boyfriend used to talk all the time about how much he respects women and then one day he would take some drugs and rape me and would never talk about it again because it “hurts him”.

alice

I used to have sex with my boyfriend(now ex-boyfriend) even when I didn’t want to and when it hurt. I felt that that was the way it was supposed to be, they feel pleasure and we don’t have to be touched or have an orgasm. That’s not okay. People have to be educated about it

Sophie

5 years ago, on a night out at university, a man grabbed my crotch. I was battling my way through the crowd in a club to get to the bathroom so was separated from my boyfriend and friends. A man grabbed my crotch from behind. I snapped my head around quickly to see who it was but he’d moved away. I was wearing soft material shorts and he grabbed so hard it hurt.I was so scared he might assault me again in the crowd. I ran to find my friends and boyfriend and was crying by the time I found them. Through tears I told them what had happened and that I needed go home immediately. My boyfriend wasn’t even angry or upset on my behalf but reluctantly agreed to leave, my friends were annoyed that I was leaving and ruining the night. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying in my student halls, nobody in my flat comforted me or knew how to react. It was clear they didn’t think what had happened was an issue at all. I think about that time I was assaulted every single time I’m in a large crowd.

Cristina Berenguer

My (now ex-)boyfriend used to treat me like a piece of shit while claiming that he was “a feminist” and saying that he couldn’t stand women being treated in the way they are. He was always sharing feminist videos on his social media. We had an open relationship because he had asked me to (while he always was saying it was because I would not be able to have a closed relationship – aka slut-shaming me). When we were with our friends he made me look like I was the one bossing him around, him being innocent and this poor boy who was always behind me, doing whatever I wanted. He tried to get in bed with friends of mine, while I was in the same room. He raped me through coercion multiple times – including the first time we had “sex”-, he told me my English (which is not our first language) was bad, he told a friend of mine that he was only a 5% sexually satisfied with me. He was obsessed with anal sex and he always wanted to try it with me, when he very well knew I hated it and it hurt a lot for me. In a nutshell, he disturbed my sexual life to a point where I would start crying in the middle of doing it. Still now, sometimes, I can’t have sex with my couple because I can’t stop thinking of that. Never respected my boundaries, gaslighted me and treated me like I was ugly and stupid. Now I have a masters’ degree in Plant Biotechnology and I will start my PhD this year.

He’s my boyfriend so it can’t be assault

I was with my first boyfriend from the age of 17-20 just little under 4 years, before the relationship ended he started to go out a lot and drink and experiment with drugs. As he lived with me he would come home most nights black out drunk or not even come home at all, I used to stay up all night worrying about his safety this wasn’t ideal as I was in full time education at university. One time he came in and I open the front door and I knew from the minute I opened that door he was not his normal self he had a strange glaze over is eyes it was so scary as this was not the same person it was like he was possessed. We finally got into bed and he started to try to kiss me I told him to stop because he was so intoxicated but he told me that he was fine, while he was trying to kiss me I kept trying to move away but he wouldn’t have any of it, he then began to try to touch me and I continued to say no and try to stop him I told him “I didn’t want to take advantage of him” as he was so drunk he just wasn’t listening and carried on doing it, it then got to the point I was so emotional exhausted, scared and he started to get upset and annoyed that I didn’t want this to happen I just lied their and let him do what he wanted to do. I lied there sobbing my eyes out as he began to have sex with me I just remember him looking at me smiling as tears where streaming down my face I still till this day cannot get the image of his face out my head. I remember just laying there all night crying and in shock thinking what was that why did I let that happen? The next day he woke up and I knew he knew what happened he was so cold with me, the first thing he asked me was did “anything happen last night did we do anything?” I was that scared of him and worried about his reaction I just shut him down with “NO”. After this the relationship was never the same and we spilt up less than a month later, its coming up to 3 years when this happened and every year it gets easier for me to accept what happened. For a long time I did try to tell people but whenever I would people would tell me that this was a serious thing I was saying/accusing him of so am I sure this happened, as my sister said “this can ruin somebody life saying things like this” so I hid it for years I started to convince myself it was my boyfriend so it can’t be assault how can your boyfriend who you have consensual sex with most days assault you as sex is part of a relationship? it wasn’t until I met my friend at my new job around two years ago I just broke down and told he she assured me this was wrong and I had done nothing wrong and I have every right to feel the way I feel, I cannot thank her enough she has made me realise that this is wrong. I still till this day find it hard to let other men in my life I find it so difficult to have sex but the more I talk about it with other women the easier it is starting to get, this is why I wanted to share my story on here as I want other women to know that just because he is your boyfriend, husband even friend doesn’t mean its not assault and you are not alone !!

Katie

Over a year ago now I was dating this boy. I was 14 and it was my first proper relationship or what I thought one of those was. One night at a party we were getting more intimate. I wasn’t sure what he wanted so I let him take off my bra and touch me where he wanted. This was my first time doing anything like this so I didn’t really know what to do and I actually didn’t feel that uncomfortable. A few days later we were saying goodbye after school outside the gates. It was full of students and teachers on duty and he grabbed my bum as I turned around to walk away. I felt shocked and uncomfortable but I ignored it. He did it multiple times after that including in a crowded school corridor and in front of all my friends. Ever since then I haven’t been able to get close with any other boy. I get anxious and nauseas and overly self conscious. I feel like the only asset I have that they would be interested in is my body. I’m angry that he did that to me and how it’s affected me.