club

Anonymous

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(18 yr old, just started university) I was in a club with a friend just escaping two creeps; one of which had grabbed at my friends vagina, and some stranger full on grabbed my ass. Now this kind of thing tends to happen and I’m quite nervous so normally I would have just ignored it, but because I had just been protecting my friend from sexual assault, and pulling her out of a dangerous situation I wasn’t taking any shit. I lightly pushed his chest and told him not go grab me. I was really pleased that I had said something, but it made me think I had only done it as I had just been protecting my friend – I would naturally stand up for them in these sorts of situations and not myself. I’m going to try to treat myself as I would my friends.

student

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Yestoday we were speaking about older men in my mental health group and whether their relationships with younger women were toxic or not . I said they were often unhealthy although not always and used my relationships as an example,I have seeked out older men for relationships due to childhood abuse and many of the men noticed my vulnerability and took emotional advantage of it. Another woman said that it wasn’t toxic,and mentioned how younger high end sex workers have older men as clients and the women outsmart them. As someone who works in the sex industry I replied that I have had incidences of physical and sexual assault while working and outsmarting cannot eradicate this risk. She said that a professional sex worker would not get assaulted, which didn’t sit well with me. smart and experienced people are not devoid of bad experiences and saying it is a result of unprofessionalism seems to me to be victim blaming. I do not enjoy having my job explained to me in a patronising way by someone who has never sold sex, and in a way the sex positive movement is giving a very glamorised fictional version of the industry where no worker will come to any harm and actively cheering on women to enter the industry, ignorant to the very real risks it can pose. Yes my work has been helpful to me and has put me in a place where I could not have been otherwise, I have much preferred it to my previous job. But people acting like it has no downsides has a dangerous edge, it has its good and bad points like any other job.

J

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Clubs seem to be acceptable places in a guys mind for public, non-consensual, ‘casual’ groping. In crowds, they will VERY often over the course of a night pass behind you whilst just lightly stroking your butt (or just above, but close enough that you can feel where those hands want to be). Depending on where I go, this sometimes happens near constantly. You have to be hyper-aware of everyone around you and by the time it’s happened and you turn around to call them on it, they’ve practically disappeared into the crowd. On the odd occasion that you catch them, there’s little you can do but give them a dirty look. I’m not exaggerating when I say this can and has happened to me every three minutes or so (or more sometimes) on some nights. I did once punch a guy in the face for it (he went for a full on grope), at which point I was called “frigid” as he tried to make out that it was on ok thing to do; a compliment even. After dealing with way too much of it, I’m now really selective about the places I go as I know where I’m more or less likely to get groped now and avoid the places where it’s most common. The only place I actually feel safe to go and dance, be myself and actually have fun is in one of my cities gay bars. I’m straight. I shouldn’t have to choose where I go based on the local groping probability!

Estín

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I work on weekend nights selling food to the drunk people on a night out. We naturally talk to the people in the bars and the doormen, so i thought nothing of it when i was on a Night out myself, that i then also would continuesly talk to the people befriended from work. I went into a dark corridor of the club, one only used by staff. One of the men i had befriended was there and i thought nothing of it, cause we were just friends, a kind of colleages. As i walked past him to get to the door leading into the club, he kissed me, hard and unexpected… he pushed me up against the wall and i scrambled to get to the doorhandle. He held my arms above my head and put his hand into my pants. I escaped him and barged through the door and straight into a bussy club where people stared at me. It was the most horrible experience of my life, and i cant stop crying and worry about next time i go to work.

Zoe

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My freshman year at college, during the first week of school, there was a party hosted by a fraternity at a local club. It was 18+ that night so everyone could go, and it was one of the first times I had ever really gotten drunk. I was in a skirt and it was incredibly crowded, the kind of crowd you have to squeeze through. There was a bouncer who grabbed my crotch as I walked by, and the first time it happened I thought, “he didn’t really mean to do that, it’s just crowded.” And when I happened by him again he grabbed me twice and kept his hand there. I was so shocked and confused, I didn’t really know what had happened. I was always told to be weary of fraternities, but people who’s job it is to watch out for things like that at those events – like bouncers – are also in positions of power that make it easy to target women, and I think they often go unnoticed. I told 2 friends I had just met (it was the first week) when we walked home and they were both just shocked. I felt really vulnerable at the time, having just moved away from my friends and family, and we didn’t really know each other well enough for them to be of much support. Things like this happen all of the time, and one thing that has given me some solace is in sexual violence advocacy, and supporting projects like this. I hope anyone who reads this will find some peace, solidarity, and courage to never doubt themselves.

Alana

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I joined University in October 2016, every Wednesday there is a sports night held in the SU which is extremely popular. I usually go pre-drinking with the sports society I am a member of, and dance the night away, extremely drunk. Tonight, I went semi-sober with some flat-mates as I had a commitment at 8.30am the next day. What I experienced was shocking. Within the space of an hour three different boys either slapped or pinched me on the arse, naturally, I reacted to each incident and turned around to see the perpetrator. In every instance they had either turned or ran away, leaving me unable to confront their behaviour. This is sexual assault and yet despite being in one of the best universities in the country, an educated and privileged young person, it appears I have no way to retaliate. During the same event I have seen people being kicked out, mainly boys, for anti-social behaviour such as starting fights. It is about time that clubs, universities, bars, pubs, all public places held men responsible for assaulting women and took it just as seriously.

Klara

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I was talking to a classmate of mine I had never really spoken to at a party of my university. It was a rather harmless conversation, and it was still early in the evening- it is safe to say that we were not drunk (yet). Out of nowhere he tried to kiss me. When I told him to please refrain from doing so, he asked “Why?”

Cycler

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There is a cycling club that has a large membership in my area, they call themselves the Lehigh Valley Wheelmen. All genders are members, but when I’ve recently openly expressed my lack of desire to join the organization simply due to the sexist nature of the group name, I get “schooled” by other women in the club how I shouldn’t take offense – this club has been around for over 60 years! I kindly point out that longevity of a group does not, in fact, remove the blatant sexism from the club’s name, but I’m seeing this female willingness to backslide on matters of principle lately.

ester

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My friends and I had just come out of the O2 Academy, the club at our uni, and we where standing in line at the chips van. A guy who was in the queue next to us pushed closer and started grabbing my bum. I moved away, but he came closer and did it again. i turned round and told him quite loud to stop touching me. he then moved to the girl next to me and did the same to her. by the time we had got our food and where in line for a taxi the guy had probably groped every woman in the queue .

Dan

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Being a student in Glasgow, I don’t know all the “hip” venues yet. Me and some friends ended up in Jumpin’ Jaks on Sauchiehall Str last Satruday, where a group of women in their 40s actually groped me and 2 of my friends on the dancefloor. This happened repeatedly and every time I turned around to say something they were laughing in their groups as if this were the norm. Eventually we left, because the music was also terrible and on the way out, another woman in her 40s shouted ‘nice ass’ at my friend. Not the best experience…