Clubs seem to be acceptable places in a guys mind for public, non-consensual, ‘casual’ groping. In crowds, they will VERY often over the course of a night pass behind you whilst just lightly stroking your butt (or just above, but close enough that you can feel where those hands want to be). Depending on where I go, this sometimes happens near constantly. You have to be hyper-aware of everyone around you and by the time it’s happened and you turn around to call them on it, they’ve practically disappeared into the crowd. On the odd occasion that you catch them, there’s little you can do but give them a dirty look. I’m not exaggerating when I say this can and has happened to me every three minutes or so (or more sometimes) on some nights. I did once punch a guy in the face for it (he went for a full on grope), at which point I was called “frigid” as he tried to make out that it was on ok thing to do; a compliment even. After dealing with way too much of it, I’m now really selective about the places I go as I know where I’m more or less likely to get groped now and avoid the places where it’s most common. The only place I actually feel safe to go and dance, be myself and actually have fun is in one of my cities gay bars. I’m straight. I shouldn’t have to choose where I go based on the local groping probability!
I work on weekend nights selling food to the drunk people on a night out. We naturally talk to the people in the bars and the doormen, so i thought nothing of it when i was on a Night out myself, that i then also would continuesly talk to the people befriended from work. I went into a dark corridor of the club, one only used by staff. One of the men i had befriended was there and i thought nothing of it, cause we were just friends, a kind of colleages. As i walked past him to get to the door leading into the club, he kissed me, hard and unexpected… he pushed me up against the wall and i scrambled to get to the doorhandle. He held my arms above my head and put his hand into my pants. I escaped him and barged through the door and straight into a bussy club where people stared at me. It was the most horrible experience of my life, and i cant stop crying and worry about next time i go to work.
My freshman year at college, during the first week of school, there was a party hosted by a fraternity at a local club. It was 18+ that night so everyone could go, and it was one of the first times I had ever really gotten drunk. I was in a skirt and it was incredibly crowded, the kind of crowd you have to squeeze through. There was a bouncer who grabbed my crotch as I walked by, and the first time it happened I thought, “he didn’t really mean to do that, it’s just crowded.” And when I happened by him again he grabbed me twice and kept his hand there. I was so shocked and confused, I didn’t really know what had happened. I was always told to be weary of fraternities, but people who’s job it is to watch out for things like that at those events – like bouncers – are also in positions of power that make it easy to target women, and I think they often go unnoticed. I told 2 friends I had just met (it was the first week) when we walked home and they were both just shocked. I felt really vulnerable at the time, having just moved away from my friends and family, and we didn’t really know each other well enough for them to be of much support. Things like this happen all of the time, and one thing that has given me some solace is in sexual violence advocacy, and supporting projects like this. I hope anyone who reads this will find some peace, solidarity, and courage to never doubt themselves.
I joined University in October 2016, every Wednesday there is a sports night held in the SU which is extremely popular. I usually go pre-drinking with the sports society I am a member of, and dance the night away, extremely drunk. Tonight, I went semi-sober with some flat-mates as I had a commitment at 8.30am the next day. What I experienced was shocking. Within the space of an hour three different boys either slapped or pinched me on the arse, naturally, I reacted to each incident and turned around to see the perpetrator. In every instance they had either turned or ran away, leaving me unable to confront their behaviour. This is sexual assault and yet despite being in one of the best universities in the country, an educated and privileged young person, it appears I have no way to retaliate. During the same event I have seen people being kicked out, mainly boys, for anti-social behaviour such as starting fights. It is about time that clubs, universities, bars, pubs, all public places held men responsible for assaulting women and took it just as seriously.
I was talking to a classmate of mine I had never really spoken to at a party of my university. It was a rather harmless conversation, and it was still early in the evening- it is safe to say that we were not drunk (yet). Out of nowhere he tried to kiss me. When I told him to please refrain from doing so, he asked “Why?”
There is a cycling club that has a large membership in my area, they call themselves the Lehigh Valley Wheelmen. All genders are members, but when I’ve recently openly expressed my lack of desire to join the organization simply due to the sexist nature of the group name, I get “schooled” by other women in the club how I shouldn’t take offense – this club has been around for over 60 years! I kindly point out that longevity of a group does not, in fact, remove the blatant sexism from the club’s name, but I’m seeing this female willingness to backslide on matters of principle lately.
My friends and I had just come out of the O2 Academy, the club at our uni, and we where standing in line at the chips van. A guy who was in the queue next to us pushed closer and started grabbing my bum. I moved away, but he came closer and did it again. i turned round and told him quite loud to stop touching me. he then moved to the girl next to me and did the same to her. by the time we had got our food and where in line for a taxi the guy had probably groped every woman in the queue .
Being a student in Glasgow, I don’t know all the “hip” venues yet. Me and some friends ended up in Jumpin’ Jaks on Sauchiehall Str last Satruday, where a group of women in their 40s actually groped me and 2 of my friends on the dancefloor. This happened repeatedly and every time I turned around to say something they were laughing in their groups as if this were the norm. Eventually we left, because the music was also terrible and on the way out, another woman in her 40s shouted ‘nice ass’ at my friend. Not the best experience…
At the end of a relatively quiet night in an otherwise subdued bar (Oslo, hackney) a man, on his own, approached our group of three women offering free cocaine and generally hassling us. We tried the usual methods of ignoring/telling him to go away/blocking to no avail. When the security came over we told him and, instead of asking him to leave, winked at us and said ‘everything was OK darling’. This escalated, we tried to complain to the bar staff to be told the security guard was ‘a really nice guy’. We then took it to the head doorman who did absolutely nothing bar assure us ‘we’d have a great time if we came again’. Meanwhile the offending security man was lurking around, doing more winking and smirking. Completely speechless and unclear who to complain to next, when they’re all obviously protecting their resident dealers and allowing the harassment of women to take place on their premises, with no pretence at action being taken!
I was at a club with some friends, among which a guy I was dating for a while. At some point, while making out, he groped my ass. I told him to stop because I dont like that, not angrily, after all, we were dating for a while and I guess some couples do that type of thing. However, he did not stop, even though I would take his hand away and tell him to stop every time. ‘I can’t help it, my hand is just attracted to your ass!’ Obviously, I did not date him for much longer after that.