5 years ago, on a night out at university, a man grabbed my crotch. I was battling my way through the crowd in a club to get to the bathroom so was separated from my boyfriend and friends. A man grabbed my crotch from behind. I snapped my head around quickly to see who it was but he’d moved away. I was wearing soft material shorts and he grabbed so hard it hurt.I was so scared he might assault me again in the crowd. I ran to find my friends and boyfriend and was crying by the time I found them. Through tears I told them what had happened and that I needed go home immediately. My boyfriend wasn’t even angry or upset on my behalf but reluctantly agreed to leave, my friends were annoyed that I was leaving and ruining the night. I cried myself to sleep and woke up crying in my student halls, nobody in my flat comforted me or knew how to react. It was clear they didn’t think what had happened was an issue at all. I think about that time I was assaulted every single time I’m in a large crowd.
Make sure to report to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) as we learn in business classes if you encounter Quid Pro Quo in the entertainment industry. I did that recently and Los Angeles actually took it seriously. The issue is that it has to be over 15 employees. When a rapper’s relative wanted me to be okay with being naked in front of him as a personal assistant, took me to 3 nightclub events, asked about sexual history and if I dated men or women, then decided to not hire me based off that lack of “trust” – I decided to file at the EEOC. With Weinstein, we saw that no one made an official report until 2015 with that Italian model. If you make it early, even if it doesn’t work (I don’t know if he has over 15 employees), then at least it could help others down the road. If this guy is going to even richer than to live in beverly hills or go to rapper mansion parties, then I’m sure other women would be effected. He said his 2 other assistants would have been fine with it. Not to say he is as bad as Harvey, but we’re better off reporting…
In a nightclub when I was about 21 I felt a firmish squeeze on my bum, I turned around and shouted at the guy telling him something like he wasn’t allowed to grab my arse! And not to touch me again. He was so angry he smashed a drinking glass in his hand!
I was in a nightclub with friends, wearing my traditional African dress, which is basically a kind of kilt/ skirt. A woman from the group – a stranger – said she was “obsessed with my groin” and openly stared. I brushed it off, and carried on. She then said to me, “I can’t believe your bulge.” I am supposed to enjoy such attentions, but felt uncomfortable that this female continued to pester me. As I moved away, she decided to help herself and touch my penis anyway. I was very shocked, but eventually made a kind of joke about it, because I didn’t want to make a scene or lose face. Everybody laughed at me.
I was in a busy club looking for my friends outside in the courtyard. A guy either smacked me or kicked me on the bum. I turned around and glared at him feeling humiliated, insecure and pissed off. The thing that annoys me now when I think of this incident is the fact that I wasn’t even that surprised. Initially, I was shocked but the very fact that it went completely unacknowledged by the many other people standing outside shows just how common this is. This is not okay. My body is my own – not anyone else’s. Deliberately assaulting anyone’s body without their permission is disgusting but it happens all the fucking time. In this scenario, I was wearing jeans, trainers and a normal top: nothing even remotely revealing. I hate it when those who believe rape culture is over-exaggerated or doesn’t exist describe girls who dress in revealing clothing as providing signals which suggest they are seeking sexual attention. If they are, then cool, that’s there choice, but this is NOT an invitation for whoever fancies it to humiliate or exploit them. No means no. But unprovoked assaults, no matter what she is wearing, are just plain wrong. You shouldn’t need someone to tell you “no” after it’s happened. If I want to go out wearing nothing but a swimming costume and high heels I should be able to without the fear of some creep giving me undesired sexual attention.
I was waiting to be served at a (busy) bar on a Saturday night. I hear a comment about me from the man next to me but didn’t quite catch what he said. Naturally, I just gave him a dirty look and continued to try and catch the attention of the bar staff so I could order a drink. This guy obviously didn’t like the look I gave him and, among other things, told me I was being ‘disrespectful’ – to which I responded by saying i didn’t own him any respect (obviously). This was followed by a heated argument, where I was called fat, a dirty slag and he threatened to pour his pint over my head. Throughout the argument i kept my cool but did repeatedly call him vile and he said ‘other girls don’t think so’…(so witty)….I said I felt sorry for them. So I just carried on with my night in the bar etc ignoring his presence. He then came up to me and my friends again and told me that if I carried on the way I was I’d end up in hospital…I couldn’t help but smirk when he was talking to me, partly out of sheer disbelief of what was being said to me… Anyway, he continued being abusive towards me and my friends (but mostly me), telling me that I would end up alone, that I was a ‘helmet’, disrespectful etc.I defended myself eloquently without raising my voice or swearing – I also reminded him that he came up and spoke to me and I asked him to leave repeatedly. I told him I thought he had a problem with women, to which he replied saying that I was not a woman, I was a piece of shit. To me, the last sentence summarises this post perfectly – he was disgusted by the fact I said he has a problem with woman but I was not a woman, I was a piece of shit.
On a night out with the guy I’m seeing. He’s held behind a group of people so I look alone. As I walk past a guy he grabs my shoulder and puts his hand on my face leaning in for a kiss. I’ve never met him or seen him before in my life. I push away and he says ‘oh do you have a boyfriend’. I reply ‘why does that matter’. I repeat this as his laughs and grabs my neck kissing my face until I manage to push him away. by the time my friend gets to me and realises whats happening he’s already walking away laughing at his twisted little victory.
I’m eighteen and I was in a nightclub with my friends and we were dancing and drinking together. One of my favorite dancing songs came up and we were singing really loud when suddenly one of my friends starts urging me to move away, signing with her hands. I turned around and saw this old man dancing way too close to me looking at me with lust. My friends and I moved away, and some other girls had seen what had happened and came to us to see if we could talk to guard at the door to see if the man could be removed, as he had done the same to them. In the end, we didn’t go to the guards because the man had moved away, but looking back I think we should have, to at least let him know he couldn’t get away with something like that. We didn’t go because we were drunk and we knew the guards would use that as an excuse to not take us seriously. I’ve probably never been more disgusted in my life.
Just a general grumble about working in a nightclub – why do men (or boys) feel that they can say things like ‘oh go on darling, make it a bit stronger’ or ‘i’ll make it worth your while to pop a bit more in’ or ‘you’re fit, give me your number’ or even simply wink at me in a ridiculous attempt to ‘flirt’ with me…? Why can’t women be left alone to do their work without being considered as objects who are only interested in having sex with the first man that pays them any interest? Another issue I have come across in this work environment is upon saying ‘no’, we are greeted with ‘alright f**k you, are you on your period or something?’. WHY CAN MEN BE SO DUMB SOMETIMES?!
There are so many occasions in my short 18 years, in which I’ve been subjected to sexism and just brushed it off, like we all do. Only two nights ago, as I was leaving a party, myself and my friend had to manoeuvre our way around an adolescent group of boys when one shouts after us “NICE TITS”… but worse than this on a night out in my local town only a few weeks ago I was sexually assaulted in a club. It was a busy Saturday night and everyone was crammed on the dance floor, so myself and another friend stood on the peripheral were there was slightly more room to breath when I felt a hand roaming on my bum. I was fuming! I turned around slapped the hand away and told the guy (rather loudly and with some use of volatile language) where to go. Needless to say he looked a little shocked that someone, a woman!, had reacted so forcefully to his actions and he retreated. I then headed over to the bouncer and told him he needed to watch out and explained the situation, when I pulled away from his ear he looked a little surprised so I shouted above the music “did you get that?” all he could reply to me was “Really?!”. I don’t know if he was shocked that someone had reported this to him or what, but I hope that my small action saved a few other girls from this guys leering advances that night.