Relationships

Relaionship

First relationship. He would finger me infront of his friends, talk about my boobs in front of his dad, tell me what I shouldn’t wear, when I went to Venice with my best friend he asked me to take a photo of everything I wore for his approval, didn’t want me to hang out with my guy friends without him being there, referred to my body as his, he would continue having sex with me when I found it painful to the point I went home and I found out my vagina was bleeding, refused to use a condom and always ask to cum inside me as it was more enjoyable for him, if we were drunk and I would tell him to stop he would say he would just go slower, He made me feel bad for not having sex with him when I was depressed or upset or ill so I would, we were on holiday in Amsterdam, I puked two times and then he started to want to have sex as he would horny and i let him finger me and he got annoyed that i didn’t have sex with him after letting him finger me I passed out half way through the conversation. He would moan I was giving him blue balls. I eventually ended the relationship when I got to university when I spoke to girls who were more experienced than I was and they told me it was very wrong what he did to me. I am embarrassed about what happened , I feel disgusting , I feel angry that I was so naive to let this happen to me and this disgusting feeling won’t leave me and I don’t think any girl should go through this, being objected to the extent the guy thinks your body is his to do with want he pleases, I hope schools start to educate people on what a healthy relationship. I told my sister and she didn’t care she was very dismissive about it as if stuff that happens in a relationship is not as scarring as being raped at a party, in a street. I feel social media promotes the feeling that women’s bodies are for males pleasure that in a relationship your body is theirs. The funny thing was it was a girl that pressured me to have sex with him in the first place as I was leading him on , just because i harmlessly flirt with a guy does not mean I owe him anything and guys who have the facade of @I’m a nice guy’ pls be wary of them. I did actually phone him during my first week at university saying that he shouldn’t forced me o have sex with him when I didn’t initially want to he said sorry but he did the same thing a week later. This just shows that he didn’t realise want he did was wrong which just tells us a lot about society.

Tanja

it happened about 2.5 years ago. i had an old “friend”. we weren’t exactly close anymore at the time but still shared the same hobby and also the same way home, so we walked back together. i was a very insecure person at the time (maybe still am) and he knew that. he then randomly asked to touch my boobs to which i told him no. multiple times. and i added that i’m in a relationship, he knew that too. i didn’t have the guts to walk away because it wasn’t just a stranger. so in the end i ended up saying yes under the building pressure and telling myself “it isn’t that big of a deal, right?” not thinking about my boyfriend or more important myself and also what situation that put me in. all because of being afraid to make a fuss and doing something wrong.

Rachel

One night I slept with a guy I had been dating for about 7 months, the next morning I found the condom I had given him clearly unused on the floor by the bed. When I asked him about it he said he had started putting it on but was having a little trouble and just decided to forget about it. He acted all incredulous when I got angry about the fact he didn’t bother to ask me first and that I had obviously handed the condom to him because I expected him to wear it! He continued to maintain that I was overreacting even when I explained that if I hadn’t found it on the floor I would never have realised and ran the risk of getting pregnant. When I asked if he’d ever done that to me before and the hesitation before he denied it didn’t fill me with confidence. I never saw him again after that.

Alex

I had the best Valentines Day with my husband this year. Finally, in my mid 40’s, I had the satisfying sexual experience that has been sold to me in every sappy romance novel and Lifetime movie. This experience started with a moment of self discovery that came to me during a fight I had with my husband about porn. I caught him watching porn one evening. I felt really uncomfortable about it. To be clear, I’m not against watching porn. I’ve always hated porn because I get nothing out of it. I’m not stimulated by anything visual. The truth is my sexuality is linked to my sense of touch. The rougher, the stronger the stimulant. When I’ve tried to explain this to previous boyfriends, they thought I was broken because of a sexual assault early in my life. I’ve been afraid to live honestly about my sexuality because of the stigma associated with BDSM. Therefore, I’ve rarely had an completely satisfying, sexual experience. In my marriage, touching another person, sexually, is considered cheating – his rules, not mine. If I go to a dance club and dance with someone else, cheating. For him, touching is a stimulant only for us. I argued that if watching is a stimulant for him, then he is denying me the same pleasure when putting restrictions on how I can experience stimulus. I’ve never spoken about my sexuality, with anyone, until having that fight. Afterwards, he did research. We’ve been experimenting with different methods of sexual play. Sexism – especially sexual stigma – kept me from sharing myself with the person I love.

Nora

The last guy I dated seemed very considerate at the beginning, he took me out to lunch, he bought me flowers one time, chocolates another time – not really personal, but a sweet gesture nonetheless. Okay, so a couple of weeks go by and all these stop. Somehow, the situation always seems to be, that we don’t eat out or go out anywhere and I have this gut feeling he doesn’t want to spend any money on dates and that’s why. But he’s always eager to come and eat at my place, sometimes even suggesting to invite himself over (I declined that one). When he last came over, he asked if he should bring anything, I said juice, and he showed up empty-handed. Not a big deal in itself, but these add up. And in bed. I have issues w anxiety, I’m afraid of intimacy bc of past trauma but I also love sex, but bc of the former I want to take it slow. I told him this, he seemed respectful and understanding…. but when we were making out in his car he actually tried to grab my hand and put it on his dick. After I’d told him I’d had trauma over sexual assault. And I mean, come on man, we’re necking in your car, I’m horny af too… why don’t you start by putting YOUR hand on my lady bits first? (Obviously I’d return the favor) I really don’t get why someone would try to exploit someone like that. Is it sexism? In itself, no, bc it can absolutely work the other way around too. BUT the double standards, the false beliefs imposed by sexism are what make it so much easier for a man to do this to a womam and for the woman to still be the one apologizing for having gotten angry at him and doubting wether her own gut feeling is valid for the thousandth time. I’m really sick of this. Sooo many instances of conditioning me, as a woman, to subscibe to society’s distorted value system, have led me to be in a place where while I am strong and independent and self-respecting, I still don’t recognise a toxic relationship until I’ve been in it for 3 months. When will it become normal to ACTUALLY practice mutual respect, and not just pretend to for a while so you can score later on? It makes me sick that being a “nice guy” is used as bait to fuck women (which only gets more ironic when I add that I, as I’m sure a lot of other women do too, love sex, and do not need to be tricked into having it) I’d rather just sit at home and respect myself than ever date again :(((

Theresa

Hello, I am a young 18 year old girl from Australia and I have a few things to say about everyday sexism that I have experienced. The first thing I think of when referring to this topic is the many times I could be walking down the street with either my sister or by myself to find some cars passing by honking or cat calling out to us. The worst time this had happened was when I was alone waiting for an early morning bus into work and a group of four young man loudly shouted out and called to me and then proceeded to drive quickly in the direction of shop bus station. Luckily they just drove around the parking area and didn’t disturb anymore than that. During school I had found sexism occured when people would perceive my love for biology as a weird thing for a girl, or the time I picked up a grasshopper to place it outside it was seen as a “boyish” thing to do. Another instance I have experienced is both in public and at home where people will actively insult or tease me for having both small breasts and butt; some even saying I have the chest of and butt of a boy. The only other form of sexism I have experienced is in every relationship I have has so far with a male has involved sexist insults and assumptions. Generally the male I have dated were surprised by my independant nature to the point of complaining to me about it or calling it a flaw. There has also been a common belief among them that because I am a girl that likes them sexual intimacy and sending nudes is something I am meant to do and they didn’t always listen to the word “No.” I have also had all my opinions ignored constantly and dismissed as being “over dramatic,” or “maybe she’s on her period,” or “her hormones must be acting up.” I have also had my ex’s parents try and shove the idea of children down my throat even when I may seem uncomfortable as I want to put my energy into my career. Usually when I tell them that they tell me how “different” I am from most girls who would dream of a family and kids from a young age unlike me. (sorry for the long post. As soon as I started to write I realized just how much sexism I have experienced and thought nothing of.)

too young

i started to speak to a boy when i was 15. we properly met at a party a few weeks later. i got too drunk, threw up, passed out, and woke up with him lying next to me to keep me warm. i don’t know if i was hungover or still drunk or what but i lost my virginity to him. we dated for a year after that. he made me feel like i couldn’t do anything- my spine vanished and i relied on him to hold me up. he insisted on sex- as if blue balls was a painful medical condition and i was just being annoying. it hurt for me but it was easier to let myself hurt than to deal with him angry. if i put myself through enough pain sometimes he wouldn’t go and get high to calm down. he wouldn’t punch the wall next to my head. he called me when i was on holiday with my family and pretended he had cancer. he had tonsillitis. i did not hang up on him because he always got angry if i hung up on him. he dumped me for another girl, occasionally sending me passive aggressive texts that refused to acknowledge that he’d hurt me. i became a rape statistic at 16. now i sit in classes in listen to people make jokes about rape. i am friends with my rapists cousin. he doesn’t know what happened to me and i will never tell him. i have friends with similar stories.

Barb

I am NOT A PRETTY GIRL. Ok everyone thinks I am ugly, and it is true. One day this guy finally paid attention to me, and I fell in love too easy. He knew everything! Every weakness, what to say to make me have sex with him even when I didn’t want to. One day I was ordering a pizza and didn’t have any more money on ANY of my bank accounts. He took the money, but in small increments. (FYI, yes I have money). At first I didn’t think anything of it. I just thought I had overdue payments, and more money was taken. I didn’t want to believe he screwed me over. Sadly I allowed him to use my accounts to do whatever he wanted. It was until I went to his room and found a million different books that I have never seen before. I didn’t even know he read. He was taking notes like a crazy person, from these books. Notes on how to exploit my weaknesses. What to say and when to say it. Not to mention he had several ID’s. There was a lot of Robert Greene in there, and a few others. I don’t remember the names of the books or authors, but I’ll post when I remember. I’ve reached out everywhere and I just need help/a friend. Should I get revenge? Do I get therapy? How can I even recover such a devastating loss?

K

I was once on a date and the first thing the man asked me is how many guys had I slept with. I answered, “13”. He was like “wow, that’s a lot. Do you have daddy issues or something?”. I asked him how many women he has slept with. His answer: “16”

Marie

When I was 15 I said “yes” to my then-boyfriend and lost my viriginity, even though I didn’t want to – I was scared that if I refused, he might have raped me. Now I have PTSD and I cry every time I get more intimate with someone.