At the age of 16 I went to a friend’s birthday party, there was alcohol around and a friend of my friends was making us drinks. After a while I start feeling unwell and I say I’m going to walk home. The same guy (who was 18+ at the time and had a serious girlfriend) offered to accompany me because he was going to sleep at his girlfriends near my house. I accepted it because I was feeling really dizzy and I would probably need help getting home. It was my first time drinking. I remember walking some parts of the way and some flashes after that I was behind a building sitting on the floor without the strenght to move and he was forcing his penis inside my mouth. I don’t remember many things of what happened that night. It’s just blank. I ended up getting found by a neighbor a few houses before mine passed out on the pavement. He then shouted for help and someone called my parents. I remember hearing their voices. I was taken to the hospital and they treated it as just an alcohol overdose and I went home the next morning. I told everyone I just got drunk and decided to walk home on my own and couldn’t quite make it and I have suppressed this story inside myself for a long time and have never been able to share it because of the guilt I felt. I shouldn’t drink, I shouldn’t be out alone, what would people think of my parents for allowing me? What will everyone say when I accuse the nice boy with a long term girlfriend of raping me? That I will ruin his life with that serious accusation? That happened 10 years ago and I still think about it. About the parts that I don’t know. How I ended up there? Did he do anything else? Did he just carry me from the back of that building, throw me there and left?
I have been assaulted after that but this event is something that has scared me so deeply in a way that I’m still too ashamed to talk about it with the people I know.