I imagine I was around 7 or 8 years old. 1st or 2nd grade perhaps. Probably second for some reason I can’t remember much (any) of grade 2 even though I remember all of grade 1 and grade 3 so it would make sense if it happened then and I just blocked out the entire year. I liked to play make believe in the yard (front or back it was all forest). I would be a warrior of some sort fighting forest creatures (much like those in the Spiderwick Chronicles). The yard had always been a magical fairy land that lurked with monsters needing to be defeated. I imagined the fairies lived in the soft green bushes that grew tiny yellow flowers. I haven’t a clue what kind of plant it was but the stems were also soft and green and pliable so I could walk through them and find tiny little empty spaces as my fort. On day two older neighborhood boys wanted to “play” with me. They were much taller than I and five or six years older. I thought they wanted to play make believe and visit the fairies with me. The next thing I remember is them telling me to take my clothes off. I was a small child and they were much bigger and they outnumbered me. I thought it was just a game, at first. I did what they asked then they asked me to spin around real slow. So I did. I can’t remember if they touched me or just looked at me but I remember not telling a soul. When they told me I could, I put my clothes back on and went inside like nothing happened. The back yard was no longer a magical place with fairies. I didn’t tell anyone, I knew what they did was wrong but my parents were never there for me, they never protected me. Even as a child I understood that girls who were molested were broken and somewhere in me I knew that was what had happened and I didn’t want to be seen as broken. Out of shame and hopelessness I burried it. For the next 11-12 years I walked by those bushes everyday when I left the house.
Fast Forward. A little after this event (perhaps a year or two) I was had fallen asleep on the armchair in the living room. It was the wee hours of the morning still dark but just enough light to see. Something woke me up. It was footsteps so quiet as if they were trying to be sneaky. I peaked through my eyes to see who it was and saw my two older step brothers (one four years older, the other 7 years older) So I did what I always did: pretended to be asleep. That was how I got away from my stepdad and stepbrothers mood swings at night, I would fake sleeping. The two pairs of footsteps got closer and stopped by the armchair. I was terrified I couldn’t move, I couldnt open my eyes. They always tormented me like brothers do but parents always intervened when it got rowdy, but there were no parents in the room now. I felt then reach into my bottoms and touch me. They took turns and all I could do was pretend to be asleep, paralyzed by fear. Eventually they left. I never told anyone. My parents always sided with my stepbrothers I thought if I told then somehow I would get in trouble like always. If they did get in trouble, I knew they would be even meaner to me when parents weren’t around to get back at me. I thought if I told they would hurt me, bad. I did what I always did I suked it up and I burried it. That’s what my mother taught me suck it up, be complacent, cater to those who are more powerful than you to protect yourself.