Kay

Hi,
I just wanted to list a few things that have happened to me because I am a woman, things that have happened to me throughout my life.

-Age 10 to now, I fear to get off the school bus and walking home because of the number of times I have been catcalled. I am afraid the catcalls will turn into something more.

Age 8, I was sleeping at my cousin’s house and instead of hanging out with him, playing games and talking, his mother made me fold their laundry because it was the only thing I was good for. I remember crying as I folded their clothes.

-Age 11, as I got off the bus, I dropped my water bottle. I bent to pick it up and a boy two years older than me told me if I wanted him to have sex with him, I could just ask, not flaunt my figure. I remember telling my friend, and her just laughing it off because that’s just what happens.

-Age 13, I was looking at a doll because it was my favorite Disney character. It was on the bottom shelf, so I had to bend to look at it. A man walked behind me and whistled. My dad was in shock, but I held him back before he could hurt the man that did it; I didn’t want to cause trouble. I remember questioning why I held my father back, why I valued his safety even after I was objectified by him.

-Age 14, a boy asked me if I liked his friend. When I said no, he called me a filthy lesbian and that had to be the only reason I didn’t like him. I wasn’t out at school at the time and this certainly pushed me further in the closet. I remember thinking that maybe me being a lesbian did make me dirty, unnatural.

-Age 14, my first girlfriend sexually assaulted me. When I reported her, she begged me not to because it could ruin her life, her volleyball career, she even told me it was triggering her depression. A mutual friend of ours told me I was making too big of a deal out of it and that I should just drop it. I remember being told that it wasn’t a big deal because it was another girl, not a guy.

-Age 14, I was visiting my friend at the pool where she worked. Her co-worker asked us to kiss each other because he thought it was hot. I remember wanting to cry because even though he did not know I was gay, I knew that I would be labeled as just a sexual fantasy to men.

-Age 14, at my cousin’s graduation, a grandparent of another student was looking at my chest, thighs, and butt. When I finally made eye contact with him and glared, he just laughed and winked at me. I remember crying in the car and putting on my dad’s jacket that swallowed my figure whole.

-Age 15, I was told that because of the way I presented (short hair, feminine button-ups), I would never find a husband, or have a good job. I remember being angry that this person thought they had the right to tell me how I should present myself because of their values, their views. Not mine.

-Age 15, I realized that everything I had been taught, my internalized misogyny and internalized homophobia, was a direct product on how society functioned. That women were useless, only meant to be around for sex and run the house chores. And I realized that that was a load of bull. If a woman decides she wants to be a sex worker, if she wants to be a housewife, if she wants to go to college and get a doctorate, no matter what, she is deserving of respect. She deserves to have the courage to speak up, not hide away. And it’s about time that society focuses on the newer generation of girls to make sure they don’t grow up as we did. I’m still 15, and I will strive to live to see the day where women aren’t afraid to report simply because their voice is not seen as valuable.