Since I first started my job I received little comments that gradually interfered with my ability to do my job and made me more and more uncomfortable .
It started as simply being asked sexual questions, such as about my sexual history, my sexual orientation and if I was single- I think that happened by my second week. Then I was followed round , sometimes paid excessive attention too. I ignored all this, trying to keep things professional – pretended like I didn’t notice- I was the new girl in a male –dominated work place, of course I’d draw attention. I was always professional , I never flirted ; I tried to keep things pleasant ,talking about things we had in common- like a love of Harry Potter- simply trying to make conversation.
When people began to get comfortable with me they began ‘Accidentally on purpose’ brushing up against me, offering to buy me lunch and other things- which I always said no to. They then began jokingly physically blocking my movements; in other words – standing in my way- so I’d have to brush up against them to get through tight spaces. I always felt them staring at my arse from behind so I swapped from jeans to trousers. I found out that they all had talked about the ‘fittest girls’ and rated me on my boobs and my arse. I tried to ignore it.
I was asked out repeatedly, seemingly as a ‘joke’ ,even by managers, I was mock proposed to on busy Saturdays in front of customers. I was told that my manager had said if I was 2 years older he would have ‘tapped that’ in an instant. Oh , and at one point , I found out my face was edited onto a porn stars body – which I only found out about by mistake- and then inserted into a group chat , where they were winding someone up about talking to me. I was told in the one place where there was no cctv that ‘anything could happen if I wanted it’ whilst they were laughing. I was forced into hugs I didn’t want- with them finding it funny that I didn’t like hugs and that I was protesting. I was catcalled in front of customers and whistled like a dog to get my attention. Oh and on a particularly hot day I came into work to get a present for someone. I was wearing trousers and a crop top. I chatted to a co-worker and then more came down the aisle to tell me that they hadn’t realised it was me on cctv and people had been making comments about my arse and my body.
I thought being in a relationship would make it stop. It made it worse. Suddenly I became someone who was on the cards, as if I had gone from a girl they were never going to win, to fair game .They constantly had to talk about my relationship, wanted to know about my sex life. This was until they got bored of getting no answers. Then they said I was too good for him and that I should date them – always laughing of course. They said how did he pull a ‘fit girl like me’- cringe. It progressed to rumours being spread about me and other colleagues. My work life then began to affect my private life, I kept hearing whisperings about being a cheat. I had to distance myself from one of the only males who is not inappropriate to me- to stop the rumours that threatened my friendships and relationship. By this point my dignity felt violated, I felt intimidated, humiliated and utterly broken.
I’d reported it to a manager in a low-key way before , but he was part of the problem.So I reported it again more formally to the store manager, whilst still trying to keep things low-key . But I kept thinking maybe I was being over-sensitive, maybe I had provoked it , maybe I should have just liked the attention like others did. Maybe they didn’t mean it – some of them had partners didn’t they ? Maybe it was all just part of the workplace banter. Would they think I was a troublemaker- would I lose my job?
My store manager tried to be effective, he held meetings on what sexual harassment was – tried to protect who had made the complaint (me)by making me attend too. But, I had to sit there whilst people said this doesn’t happen here, someone is being over-sensitive.I guess those who would not dream of perpetrating it find it difficult to imagine others getting away with it, or they are simply misguided that perpetrators must be overt lecherous monsters, not their kind colleagues.
After reporting it , things chilled out , maybe people guessed it was me and began to avoided trying to ‘banter’ with me , but I always knew it was all bubbling beneath the surface. And on a night out when I was groped by my manager – I should have seen it coming.