So now i am 20, but when i was 17 i had sex for the very first time. 5 months earlier i had my first kiss and boyfriend, i didn’t even want him to take of his shirt, because i wasn’t really ready for anything sexual and it felt akward. We were together for 2 months, so fast forward 5 months later i was out of the first relationship and liked another guy, with whom i started a relationship. On the second week of us beeing together we went on a hike with another friend. When the hike finished we droped of the friend, we were near my boyfriends house and he was driving the car. So my boyfrind said:
-I will drive you home in 1 hour because then i have some work in the center of the city, i don’t want to drive 2 times to there.
All of that made sence to me and he didn’t leave me any ather choice. I didn’t know where i was and how to get home by my own, so i said ok. We went to his house, his parents and his sister were there. He lived on the whole last flor of the house. So i sat on a chair infront of his computer, but he came to me, he picked me up from the chair and started kissing me. (I am noting that he knew i was a virgin and told me he will wait for me) I was ok because it was kissing, he was my boyfriend i foolishly trusted him, so he took me on the bed and i was ok at first, but then he started pulling my clothes of. I wasn’t comfortable and told him i don’t want to have sex and he was like: we won’t.
He was touching me and i was like ok, he is 18, he had sex, i am his girlfriend, i felt like a prood.
I felt that it was normal for him to want things from me. I was ok with the touching, but then he pulled his pants off and tried to put his penis inside of me. I pulled away and asked him:
-What are you doing?
He told me:
-I am gust trying something.
Then he proceeded to ask me at least 15-20 times if i wanted to have sex with him. I said:
-no, NO, No, NO…no and again NO…
He tried to pursuade me:
-Come on we have gone so far, why not, why are you scared?
At the end he said:
-Ok, we will do it when you are ready.
1 minute later he held me down and proceeded to have sex with me and told me:
-Are you sure you are a virgin i didn’t feel anything.
At the same moment i was trying to get away. 2 seconds later he was sitting on top of me. He got closer to me and shuved his penis in my mouth, i almost cried and got away after a minute or two of strugling. I grabed my clothes and put them on. He had locked the door without me even nothising, his perents were on the first floor, in the yard there was a big dog (i am terified by big dogs). I felt trapped. He then stood up and was like:
-I will drive you.
And i let gim do it. I didn’t know how to get home by my own. He acted like everything was normal.
He drove me home and when i was at my house he asked me in a message:
-Is there blood? Do you hurt?
I was histerical, i cried on the phone to my girlfriend, but i couldn’t bring myself to tell her what happened. I didn’t break up with him. You may ask why? I lost my virginity by him, if i broke up with him the assault would have been real. I would admit that i was raped. That way i convinced myself that: I had sex with my boyfriend, i was in a relationship, it was ok, it wasn’t a random guy, i was ready, but in fact it was the total opposite.
We were togheter for 3 months until he decided he didn’t need me anymore. He cheated on me, he treated me like garbige, but i couldn’t help to leave him on my own.(i left the boy before him for telling me i needed a boob job, but i couldn’t bring myself to break up with him, eventhoug he also told me i needed one). After that i was alone for almost a year and a half. From then till now i am with my current boyfriend and he is great. I tried telling him, but he thinks i am exaturating, he asks me:
-Why did you stay with him after what happened?
He doesn’t understand it and i feel so alone in this. My boyfrind always wanted to be with a virgin girl and i was not. I had sex with the guy that assaulted me a total of 4 times. I did not have sexual relations with ather guys and when my boyfriend brings it up i feel like i am about to cry. He says he is always second in life. I feel like a used bag of trash.