I have been working at a grocery store for about five years and I love my job. However, until recently I didn’t realize some of the things male and female coworkers have done that are simply not okay. When I was a cashier one of the male grocery baggers saw a woman in leggings walk by and told me “now that’s an ass” I was 16 and it made me uncomfortable but I didn’t know how to handle it. Around the same time, one of my female coworkers included me in an inside joke between her and our manager. The joke was about the color of his wife’s public hair. She had dyed purple hair and my female coworker would ask all the other cashiers(almost all 16 and under) if they thought her carpets matched her drapes. Our manager would chime in with comments such as that’s why his beard had a little bit of purple in it that day. I was 16 or 17 when this happened and it made me uncomfortable but I pushed that feeling down because I wanted to be included and if they were talking like that then I thought it must be okay. That same female coworker also pressured three 14-year-old girls to hit on a 19-year-old male just to see how he would react. I was 17 and refused to do it because the age difference made even the thought uncomfortable. Since I wouldn’t do it she started a rumor that I liked him. Eventually, that female coworker became the part-time night manager but was quickly demoted and the store owner asked me to step into the role. Me replacing her pissed her off so she started a rumor that the only reason I got the job was that I was fucking our boss. He was around 70 and married. Some people around town still believe that rumor. That night manager I mentioned earlier, we became pretty good friends. He’s about 30 years older than me and I see him as a father figure. So does he and his wife. But a rumor started that I was fucking him too. I am very much not. More recently I was the temporary frozen/dairy manager and we finally found a replacement for the role so I could go back to the job I wanted. The replacement is a male I assume in his late 30s. He started making passes at me while I was training him. Commenting on how pretty my hair was if I let it down to fix my ponytail. Sometimes he just stares at me. One time I was leaning at a desk talking to someone else when he reached behind me to grab something. I immediately moved when I saw him reaching and when I looked where his hand was I realized he would have been touching my ass if I had taken a second longer to move. I had already told him his behavior was inappropriate by this point. Then one day I was training ghim on something on the computer in our store’s back office. It was just us back there and out of the blue, he told me he had a weird dream the previous night. I didn’t know where he was going with it but I got a bad feeling and tried to change the subject with a joke. It didn’t work. He told me about this dream where there was this girl he was talking to and then all of a sudden her boyfriend showed up and my coworker flew away. I don’t know how much of that was true but I don’t believe that was the whole dream because of how he told it. I got uncomfortable and decided to pretend to be busy and work outside the office while he continued working so I don’t have to be alone with him. A few minutes after I left the office he poked his head out and told me I was the one in his dream. I did tell our store manager about everything after that incident. I am not the only woman at my job who is uncomfortable around him. The store manager talked to him and he did stop. My manager did not try to downplay what had been going on and I appreciate the way things were handled. For a while after that incident, I got so anxious about going to work. It’s better now but I still feel uncomfortable around him. Sometimes ill still catch him staring at me which I have told my manager.
I’ve also had a few non-work incidents. The one I remember the most is when I was just about to start high school the guy who was fixing our air conditioner looked me up and down and did that weird chin rub thing guys do when checking someone out. My mom noticed and informed him I was underage. One doctor I went to when I was about 16 was just chatting with me and my mom while his computer loaded and I mentioned that I was thinking of going to school for psychology. he said that he said that I should be more realistic, that I would be a good cashier or manager but he couldn’t see me as a psychologist. Which by the way is the complete opposite of what one of the female advisors in a significant school I looked into said. I love that lady she gave me back so much confidence in myself in just a few minutes of conversation. Shortly after starting college, I was a cat called by two guys in a car, and by complete chance, they ended up being stopped right beside me at a red light. I looked over at them and they both just stared at their feet. Most recently, today a man was following me around Walmart while I was on the phone with my mom. after just a minute of this, I went over to a group of employees to get help and the man immediately walked out of the store. I didn’t tell the employees though. I know I should have but I felt so embarrassed and almost ashamed that I just didn’t. The situation today has me so scared and frustrated that I went online and found this website and the ted talk about it. I haven’t ever laid out all of my experiences like this and I never realized how many other women go through the same things.