Tag Archives: alcohol

A

I was at a friends for her 17th birthday. There was just 4 of us, 3 girls and 1 boy. I knew the boy was a creep and had been in trouble in the past (apparently blackmailed a 14 year old girl to send nude pictures) so I was always wary of him but I promised my friend that I would be kind to him. I felt safe drinking with such a small group but of course I got way too drunk. I had never been that drunk before. We were all drunk (or so I thought) and were cozied up on the sofa. I grabbed his crotch and kissed him neck, slurring my words but at that point (while I would have never done that sober) I was comfortable. I started feeling really tired and so asked my friend if I could go to her bedroom. I asked the group if anyone would come up and cuddle with me. I have only admitted to one person that at that point I wanted it to be him. The girls wanted to stay downstairs so he came up. He took a while and I actually went down to call for him. I even took off my sanitary pad before he came up. However by the time he got into the bed, the alcohol really hit me and I was out of it. I felt like i was floating in and out of consciousness. He then started kissing me and grabbing my boobs. I distinctly remember slurring out the word no repeatedly and I was so frustrated that I couldn’t move. I still don’t know if that was just because of the alcohol or if I froze out of fear. He then attempted to finger me – I remember the pain. i don’t know how long it took place and if he tried to insert his penis. Finally I came to the point where i felt conscious again. I remember turning over to see him facing away from me and I thought he might be asleep. I felt down and my underwear wasn’t there anymore and I asked him what happened to them. He sounded tired and said something along the lines of “I don’t know you must have taken them off”. I started realising what had happened and panicked. I found my knickers, shoved them on and went to the bathroom. I then cried sat in the bathtub and eventually rang a friend – it was 5am. I don’t know how long we were talking and what I sounded like but I know I was sobbing and eventually she said she was coming to get me. I went back in the room to grab my stuff and he was asleep in the bed. I went downstairs and asked my friend to let me out and she almost refused but she could see how upset I was but I said i was fine. My friend was outside in the backseat of a car driven by her boyfriends mum with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. I cried the rest of night while my friend held me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Eventually I walked home the next day and got a really hot shower. I told a friend who was close with him and eventually I told the friend whose house it happened at. Eventually i was forced to make a statement, by my head of sixth form, at the police who when I refused to tell them who did it made me go to social services because I was 16. My friend who picked me up went to every appointment with me and gave me all the cigarettes I felt I needed to stay calm. The man who dealt with my case was awful and implied it was mothers fault as she had a statement that was retracted about her to social services when I was 6. Then he said it was my fault for drinking. It was an awful experience and he kept threatening to tell my parents and the meeting were to see if I was mature enough to deal with what happened without parental involvement. He judged that I smoked and drank so I did everything I could in the months after the assault to prevent him from telling my parents. My mum has always believed that what you are wearing and if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs means you are at fault if an assault takes place so her finding out was honestly the worst thing I could imagine. Eventually it was dropped. It was almost be 2 years and I still really struggle with it.

16

I was at a friends for her 17th birthday. There was just 4 of us, 3 girls and 1 boy. I knew the boy was a creep and had been in trouble in the past (apparently blackmailed a 14 year old girl to send nude pictures) so I was always wary of him but I promised my friend that I would be kind to him. I felt safe drinking with such a small group but of course I got way too drunk. I had never been that drunk before. We were all drunk (or so I thought) and were cozied up on the sofa. I grabbed his crotch and kissed him neck, slurring my words but at that point (while I would have never done that sober) I was comfortable. I started feeling really tired and so asked my friend if I could go to her bedroom. I asked the group if anyone would come up and cuddle with me. I have only admitted to one person that at that point I wanted it to be him. The girls wanted to stay downstairs so he came up. He took a while and I actually went down to call for him. I even took off my sanitary pad before he came up. However by the time he got into the bed, the alcohol really hit me and I was out of it. I felt like i was floating in and out of consciousness. He then started kissing me and grabbing my boobs. I distinctly remember slurring out the word no repeatedly and I was so frustrated that I couldn’t move. I still don’t know if that was just because of the alcohol or if I froze out of fear. He then attempted to finger me – I remember the pain. i don’t know how long it took place and if he tried to insert his penis. Finally I came to the point where i felt conscious again. I remember turning over to see him facing away from me and I thought he might be asleep. I felt down and my underwear wasn’t there anymore and I asked him what happened to them. He sounded tired and said something along the lines of “I don’t know you must have taken them off”. I started realising what had happened and panicked. I found my knickers, shoved them on and went to the bathroom. I then cried sat in the bathtub and eventually rang a friend – it was 5am. I don’t know how long we were talking and what I sounded like but I know I was sobbing and eventually she said she was coming to get me. I went back in the room to grab my stuff and he was asleep in the bed. I went downstairs and asked my friend to let me out and she almost refused but she could see how upset I was but I said i was fine. My friend was outside in the backseat of a car driven by her boyfriends mum with her boyfriend in the passenger seat. I cried the rest of night while my friend held me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Eventually I walked home the next day and got a really hot shower. I told a friend who was close with him and eventually I told the friend whose house it happened at. Eventually i was forced to make a statement, by my head of sixth form, at the police who when I refused to tell them who did it made me go to social services because I was 16. My friend who picked me up went to every appointment with me and gave me all the cigarettes I felt I needed to stay calm. The man who dealt with my case was awful and implied it was mothers fault as she had a statement that was retracted about her to social services when I was 6. Then he said it was my fault for drinking. It was an awful experience and he kept threatening to tell my parents and the meeting were to see if I was mature enough to deal with what happened without parental involvement. He judged that I smoked and drank so I did everything I could in the months after the assault to prevent him from telling my parents. My mum has always believed that what you are wearing and if you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs means you are at fault if an assault takes place so her finding out was honestly the worst thing I could imagine. Eventually it was dropped. It was almost be 2 years and I still really struggle with it.

celia

I worked at a cafe where most of us were pretty teen girls. There was an older cook in the back who I thought was pretty cool. One day he was obviously drunk, and all of the servers knew, but no one did anything about it. I think my manager was just desperate. I went in the back to dump out the mop water and he followed me, making sexual comments. When I bent over to poor it out, he took out his phone and took a picture of me bending over. I was in shock, I dont even remember if I asked him to delete that. The work environment was to program us into never making a scene, always smiling, doing anything to make the customer happy, and pretending that everything was pleasant. From prior experience, like almost being blinded by chemicals (breaking OSHA regulations for eye wear) and having to go through extensive eye tissue treatments from corrosion,I am certain my female boss would not have done anything, and would pretend nothing had happened. Other girls have told me of similar harassment from him, and one of them told and nothing was done about it.

Max

I took a job at a convenience store which sells a lot of alcohol. I’d been working there for a week when I was left in the shop by myself on a busy saturday evening. Where I worked wasn’t sketchy at all, just the occasional drunk. But a middle-aged man came in with his friends, jeering and shouting. When he sees me behind the till, he immediately leans over the counter, puts a hand on my shoulder and asks if a ‘pretty lady’ like me has snapchat. I politely say no, and don’t bother to correct him that I’m a trans-man. He tried to slip me his number when i told him i had a girlfriend and wasn’t interested. He starts shouting in my face, calling me a faggot, slut, etc, and insisted i was just playing hard to get. I then refused to serve him, At which point he said he was going to cut my throat after i finished work, before leaving. I called my manager as soon as he left, and all he said was “You should expect it” and chastised me for overreacting to a regular customer, and it was just an empty threat. I left that job within the hour, and I had to get my flatmates to escort me home. The guy was waiting, but seeing my male flatmates made him back off.

Claudia

I started University in the Netherlands at the age of 17 with a steady boyfriend in Germany. I was excited and unafraid, primarily because I had never recognized other negative encounters for the warnings that they were. I honestly thought that feminism wasn’t something we needed in the west anymore, because I had never felt hampered because of my sex. I never realized how sheltered I was. When I turned 18, I decided to throw a big party for the first time in my life. I wanted to let loose, to prove that I wasn’t “stuck up” and “prude,” that I could have fun. So when a friend asked if they could invite a classmate I didn’t know, I agreed without thinking twice. One by one, everyone left. The people I had asked to keep an eye out for me went home or passed out in their rooms. I was alone, more than a little drunk, with someone I didn’t know. I’d been friendly to him all evening, because I was in a social mood, so we’d chatted a bit. I told him my boyfriend lived in Germany, and he somehow took that as an invitation. He started kissing me, and I pushed him away. I told him I couldn’t do this. Somehow saying “stop, I don’t WANT this” was beyond my capabilites as a polite hostess. He persisted, reaching up and down and touching things he shouldn’t. I walked away and said I was going to stay in my friend’s room for the night, since the friend he had come with was passed out on my bed. He followed me, and while I rang her doorbell hoping against all hope that she would answer, he continued to touch me. She was passed out, and didn’t hear me. We went back to my hallway, and I said I would try another friends room. But he said “no don’t worry, I promise I’ll stop. I wont do anything you don’t want.” Being exhausted and drunk I wanted to believe him, because more than anything I wanted to go to sleep. He didn’t stop. The rest is too difficult for me to describe, even after two years of therapy for PTSD. Nowadays, I work on projects to raise awareness about sexual assault in the Netherlands and at universities in general. I’m trying to turn the worst thing to ever happen to me into something positive.

MaKenzie

I was sexually assaulted by a friend in high school. We were all drinking in my friend’s house. I was sleepy and myself a girl friend and my male friend were all sitting on a couch watching TV. There were several other people in the room, both male and female. I said I was a little too drunk and wanted to go to sleep. My male friend asked me if I wanted him to show me to the bedroom. I said, yes, that I wanted to sleep for a bit (it was late evening but not yet night). Several people began jeering and whistling when he said that which I found embarrassing. I trusted my friend. His girlfriend was a close friend of mine and I always thought of him as very kind and trustworthy. He led me upstairs and showed me the spare bedroom. I lay down and heard him walk out… well I thought he walked out. He walked to the door, and shut it then joined me in bed. I was immediately afraid and confused and embarrassed. I shut my eyes and acted like I was incredulous to him laying there. Maybe if he thought I had already gone to sleep he would just leave the room…. He started trying to ‘rouse me awake. I shrugged him off and told him I was tired and just wanted to be left alone. He put his hand up my shirt. I pushed his hand away and asked him to ‘please just stop’. He got angry. Kept grabbing me, putting his hand down my pants, up my shirt and grabbing my hand putting on his crotch. He got on top of me and began trying to remove my clothes. Telling me , ” Don’t worry… I know you want to do this.” I didn’t . I just kept asking him to stop. He would vacillate between anger and gently persuasion . I tried to role into the fetal position and just asked him over and over to leave me alone. I was so embarrassed, anxious and admittedly afraid. I was also incredibly confused and hurt. I really enjoyed being his friend. I valued my friendship with his girlfriend and I was only just beginning to date one of our own mutual friends. He eventually , frustrated with my behavior, masturbated onto me while I lay in the bed asking him to stop, then left the room and joined the party. I was too humiliated to leave the room but too afraid to stay there. I waited until the party died down and called my friend to come get me. My shirt strap was torn, I had scratches and bruises on my chest and I was very upset. I went to her house and showered and bought clothes. She was very sympathetic but advised me not to tell anyone. That decision was made for me. The next day I went to our local coffee shop to meet with our friends . I hoped he wouldn’t be there. He was. I begged my friend not to confront him. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t know what to say or how I felt about everything yet. She was mad so she questioned his behavior. In front of everyone I cared about, everyone who’s friendship I relied on soo much at that time he took a large rock and smashed it into his face. Bleeding and yelling loudly. Everyone went to him asking him to stop, to calm down, comforting him. They told him ‘ he was drunk, I’m sure nothing like that happend’. ” we all saw MaKenzie flirting with you, I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.” They hugged him, they comforted him, they asked me to come over and tell him I wasn’t mad, that it was all a mistake… to APOLOGIZE TO HIM. And… I did. I apologized. I asked him to allow us all to remain friends. I asked everyone else to just stop bringing it up, to go back to before. Not to ‘make a big deal out of it”. I honestly believe part of my personality died that day. I still see him. I am married with a child and another on the way. More than 10 years has gone by and I still get physically ill to hear his name. To see him at social gatherings. To accept his hugs or Christmas cards. I am so disappointed in myself.

Same old Uni story

I was a freshman in university. My friends and I were walking around campus and ran into some upper classmen at a liquor store. They had much better alcohol than we did and invited us up to their on-campus apartment to join them. We readily agreed. In our group were two girls including myself and three boys. We did not feel unsafe. The apartment consisted of four juniors and seniors, all male. They played guitar and some video games and we played a few drinking games. I particularly found myself flirting with an attractive junior. My male friends were becoming bored with the lack of available girls and left, really before we knew they were leaving. My female friend had split off from me at some point and was talking in a adjacent room to a few other people. I didn’t feel afraid or alone but I was very drunk. So much so that I decided I wasn’t really interested in partying anymore and found a small futon near the tv and fell asleep/passed out. I woke up several hours later in a room I did not recognize with one of the boys from the party on top of me. He smiled when he noticed I was awake and said ‘well, welcome back !” He was actively having sex with me. I was incredibly alarmed, and confused. I tried to quickly look around to see where I was. Still didn’t recognize the room and clearly showing signs of panic. He said with a bit of a laugh, ” Oh don’t worry. You’ve been clearly enjoying yourself. You’ve been moaning so loud this whole time my roommates could hear you. ” He directed my attention to several used condoms on the floor beside us. This had been going on for a long time. I didn’t know what to even say. I think the first thing I said was ‘ I was alseep’. He just said ” that hasn’t stopped us from having a great night. Don’t worry, you did great.” I tried to sit up but he pressed his weight on me and told me he was ‘almost done anyway’. I closed my eyes. One of his roommates came in . They laughed and kind of congratulated him. I just knew at that point I was going to vomit. He finished, I sprang up and found only my underwear and a tank I had been wearing under my shirt. I pulled them on and said. ” I need to get a drink of water.” He laughed and pointed toward the kitchen. I ran out the door. I ran across campus. No shoes, barely dressed. I was sore, and hung over, and terrified and humiliated. I then realized I didn’t know what had happened to my other friend. I raced to her dorm room, hoping she was ok. She was. She was in her room and when she saw me immediately laughed. I began to tell her what happened between the urge to vomit and the need to shower and hold back tears. She stopped me. She congratulated me. He played Football. He was VARSITY FOOTBALL. He was so cute. She was so jealous. All the blood rushed to my ears. I ran to the bathroom and vomited. I was CONGRATULATED on this several times throughout my freshman year. He went on to play in the NFL, for a very brief time, and now coaches on the high school level. I still have nightmares. I have suffered from anxiety attacks and depression. I dropped out of school shortly after the incident and never came back for the next year. I gave up everything. I knew I couldn’t see his face on campus or on Football flyers or hear one more time how cute he was. It was one of the worst events of my whole life and I’ve only ever been congratulated for it.

Alyssa

I was out with my friend at a restaurant. We had just finished eating and were hanging out (loitering, I suppose) out on the sidewalk, just making idle conversation. This man standing about 20 feet away is clearly intoxicated. He is on his phone and having the loudest conversation that my friend and I were oblivious to until we hear him say “You would not BELIEVE the women here right now.” Whatever conversation we were having dissipated as we turned to him, and this gut feeling washed over me. Oh no, here we go. He get’s louder. “OH man, this girl is just so sexy!” I drop my jaw and worked up the nerve to call him out. “EXCUSE ME.” I said. He looked to me like a predator, and I felt adrenaline pumping through my veins. “Are you talking about my friend here?” I asked with every bit of venom I could muster. I felt white hot rage and not even for myself, but for my friend who was standing there, completely shocked. “No sweetie, I’m talking about you,” he coos. He goes on with some bullshit but my friend speaks up saying, I shit you not, the best part. Because to this 40 year old, publicly intoxicated man, she shouts out “SHE’S SIXTEEN YEARS OLD.” A moment of silence, and then my dad, who we were waiting on, finally exited the restaurant. Hook about 3 seconds to assess the situation, went from white to purple, and lost it. Followed by my mom. Oh man, that guy got fucking shredded. I’m just so thankful I had a friend and she had me and we had my bad ass parents. That’s one of my many stories of men making a fool of themselves.

Anna

Another microsexism is found in restaurants or bars. You are with a man and you order a beer and a lemonade. They will serve the beer to him and lemonade to you without even asking. The beer is usually for me, the women.

Chantelle

In my street their used to be a tall, thug-ish white guy with a massive dog who used to harass me and my sister for sex. If I was going to the shop for some food, I would always watch my guard, because I knew that sometimes he’d be there. Unfortunately, when I did run into him, I avoided NOT conversing with him, because a) he always had some alcohol in him and b) I was scared of how he’d react if I walked away. No matter how hard I tried to have a normal conversation with him, it would always come back to sex, and what things me, my sister and him could do together. I haven’t seen him since he said he was going to end up in jail (he’s been in there loads of times, apparently). That said, I do worry that he’ll come back, because apparently his kids live in my neighbourhood. I’m really scared of him. I hope he stays away. Chantelle, 23 (Great Britain)