Tag Archives: friends

Uncomfortable interactions

My friends and I were walking into my friends place late Friday night. As we entered, my friends brothers friends said “Woah (whistle) I didn’t know (brothers name) was having girls over.” We are 15, he 19.

Lara

So, this story happened ten years ago, when my now husband just finished school. We were a group of friends, 7 guys and three girls and most of us are still friends today. we did a lot together but also just parts of the group based on different intrests. some of us would go to the theatre while others were playing warhammer for example. my shared interest with h. were trashy movies: action, horror, western, crime- mostly from not-usa (europe, india, africa…) and mystery science theatre 3000. so we met on a regular basis after school in my room to watch a film before meeting the others. since i was 14 however i had something going on with A. – everybody knew that- and a month prior to this events, we became a cupple. Everything was fine. On this day however, we wanted to go to a club even though we were more the bar kind of people. we drank and danced and had a lot of fun. my boyfriend drank a little to much and two of the others brought him home. H. and I still had a good time and stayed for to more hours. on the way to my boyfriend’s house, were we stayed the night, H. started to get very silent, which wasn’t his normal behavior. i felt that something was going on- usual teenage-drama. finally he started talking: so, i have to tell you something. A. shouldn’t have you, he said. i starred at him in surprise. “it’s just that i called dips on you.”. i was speachless. “i think you should know that to consider the relationship. i called dips first”. my now husband and i are still together, even though he “called dips” on me, like i was a bag of crisps.

Mary

Hi, I’m almost 16 and some time ago I came out to my good friend. After I told her I’m pretty sure that it’s not about “The Right Guy” he said that she loves me no matter what but she doesn’t agree with this. So I asked if she had any questions about me, but if I’m being honest I just wished that she would ask about anything, I just wantet to talk about it with someone, but she said that she has some gay friends so she doesn’t need any more information. Well you could say that her reaction was great,duh she said she loves me no matter what! But she also said that it would make her uncomftable if I would start talking about some girl that I like. I bet that every one who was oraz is going through any kind of comming out knows that this is reaction worse than saying she wouldnt want to know me anymore bc she’s still your friend but friends are supposed to talk at lest about most important things!So I told her this, but she her reaction was that we can still be good friends even tho we don’t talk about this one thing. And it would be ok if she wouldn’t talk about some guys that she likes, and I know that I can’t even talk to her about my girlfriend bc I just know it will be VERY akward. Idk I fell like I’m stuck bc I don’t want to bring IT up again. I feel like this all situation is unfair and yes I’m very confused about my sexuality but i’m sure about my feelings to my grilfriend and it makes me sick that I can’t talk about this to anyone. I hope you’re life is great and I wish you best ❤

Lucy

Cars are a hobby of mine, and whenever I’m talking about it with my guy friends, they just chuckle and say ‘sure sure’, assuming I’m only attempting to grab at their interests. As a women, why can’t I like cars?

Orly Einhorn

I have a group of friends, we’ve grown up together since basically day one. There are five of us: me, the twins (both male), and two other boys. I look back on my life and they’ve always played a really big role. They were my closest friends, I guess, but not even, because they left me out of EVERYTHING. Our families have dinner together once a month, and it used to be my least favorite day of the month because I would have to sit with the adults while they talked about whatever while the boys were downstairs playing.If it was video games, it was a four player game. If they were wrestling, I wasn’t allowed to play because I’m a girl. We grew apart for a while, not really talking at all except for at dinners. Then, the twins joined my youth group. I had been in it for about two years already and all my friends were like “oh my god have you met Nick and Michael??? (not their real names) They’re so funny and so much fun!” I hated it. But eventually, it led to us becoming better friends. We started bonding more, but recently they’ve started making really rude jokes about women. They’re really touchy, which is fine because I’m touchy (with limits) with my friends too, but they specifically will try to make me uncomfortable. One of them has a girlfriend and the other almost dated my best friend, but they joke about me cuddling with them or giving them head or having sex with them. I once had my feet on Nick’s lap and he put his hand on my leg and I was like “move your hand that’s weird” and he says “oh like this?” and moves his hand toward my thigh, to which I hit his hand and said “stop it.” He just laughed and kept doing that until I moved away, to which he said “oops made her mad.” I was in their room with that same group and they were saying that I’m “not a hoe” because I don’t sleep around, and I was like “umm okay?’ and Michael tried to grab my boob, but I put my hand out and jokingly held his hand to stop him from doing that. He said “you know I was trying to grab your boob right?” and I was like “yeah I know that’s why I did that” and he said “see! you’re not a hoe! if you were you would’ve let me grab your boob.” And the icing on the cake is I recently decided to play lacrosse. I’m also a cheerleader and I’ve been playing different competitive sports since I was 3, including but not limited to soccer, basketball, tennis, swim, and golf. When the boys found out about lacrosse, they sort of paused and one of them said “you know lacrosse is a very aggressive sport, right?” I’m so sick of them thinking I’m fragile, that I’m just “smart for a girl”, that I can’t handle hanging out with them.

N

I was at a house party when a guy who had once been like family to me tried to sexually assault me. We were spooning in bed, fully-clothed and just talking about our lives, when he slips his hand under my top. At first I think it’s a joke, and I laugh and ask him what he’s doing. He says he’s cold, he just wants to touch my skin because its warm. We keep talking, and his hand slowly starts to move up towards my bra. I now have my hand on his arm, trying to move it away, asking him again what he’s doing. He shushes me and says it’s okay. At this point I am panicking and I freeze – I can’t move his arm away, he’s too strong, and I have no idea what to do. I feel like my throat has closed up with fear, and even though there are people in the next room, I can’t say a word. At that moment, one of our friends walks in, and his grip loosens just enough for me to move his arm and put some distance between us. My friend asks us what is going on, and I laugh it off. It was nothing, right? It was only during the next week that I realised I was not okay, and couldn’t stand being in the same room as him. I told a friend, and of course it got back to him. He told them that nothing had happened, that I wanted it, that I was jealous and upset that he hadn’t had sex with me. He took me aside at another party, where I had been trying to avoid him, and told me to stop spreading lies, that I wasn’t his type and he was sorry about it. My friends kicked him out of the party, and I haven’t seen him since. Even typing this out now, four years later, I still feel ashamed. Nothing happened, so it’s fine, right? But if it was fine, why do I still feel like this – guilty, embarrassed, humiliated? I wanted to speak about my experience during the #metoo movement, but I just didn’t feel able to. It could have been so, so much worse. Yet I still feel violated.

jess

At the age of 16 I went to a friend’s birthday party, there was alcohol around and a friend of my friends was making us drinks. After a while I start feeling unwell and I say I’m going to walk home. The same guy (who was 18+ at the time and had a serious girlfriend) offered to accompany me because he was going to sleep at his girlfriends near my house. I accepted it because I was feeling really dizzy and I would probably need help getting home. It was my first time drinking. I remember walking some parts of the way and some flashes after that I was behind a building sitting on the floor without the strenght to move and he was forcing his penis inside my mouth. I don’t remember many things of what happened that night. It’s just blank. I ended up getting found by a neighbor a few houses before mine passed out on the pavement. He then shouted for help and someone called my parents. I remember hearing their voices. I was taken to the hospital and they treated it as just an alcohol overdose and I went home the next morning. I told everyone I just got drunk and decided to walk home on my own and couldn’t quite make it and I have suppressed this story inside myself for a long time and have never been able to share it because of the guilt I felt. I shouldn’t drink, I shouldn’t be out alone, what would people think of my parents for allowing me? What will everyone say when I accuse the nice boy with a long term girlfriend of raping me? That I will ruin his life with that serious accusation? That happened 10 years ago and I still think about it. About the parts that I don’t know. How I ended up there? Did he do anything else? Did he just carry me from the back of that building, throw me there and left? I have been assaulted after that but this event is something that has scared me so deeply in a way that I’m still too ashamed to talk about it with the people I know.

M

Having my male “friends” feel like it’s appropriate to pull me into tight hugs, pressing their crotch against me when I am clearly rigid and not wanting to participate, even once at a funeral when I was crying. Another “friend” thought it was appropriate to tell my good friend and I that she had a better personality, but wasn’t hot and I was hot, but had a terrible personality. Guy “friends” telling me I would be attractive if I smiled more. Guy “friends” who stop talking to me the minute I make it clear I don’t want to date them. And my brother, who is an amazing person that I love, who ranted to me about the early sexualizing of girls and interrupted me saying “yeah I know” to say ” No, no YOU don’t understand, listen I read this about it” and proceeded to explain to me something I experienced as if I knew nothing about it.

S

I met an old acquaintance at a party and he happily told me all about his pregnant girlfriend (who was not at the party). An hour later he pinched my bum in a shifty ‘never speak or this’ way. I ignored it partly because i dodnt want to cause a scene and partly because of his pregnant girlfriend. But now i wonder, how much was he relying on me not making a scene, on being consipratorial. A lot i suspect.

Chloe

My male best friend of 8 years decided he actually fancied me as more than a friend. I was on holiday with him and his family and we’d already had a conversation about feelings etc and I’d explained I wasn’t interested in anything further. When he’d had a few drinks and his parents were out he tried to snuggle up to me, touching me inappropriately. When I said no and moved away he started pretending to cry and asked for a sympathy hug – this time he tried to touch me more forcefully and I asked him if he’d actually just used emotional blackmail to try and make me sleep with him? He made no comment but still wouldn’t let go so I asked him angrily was he trying to seduce me? He answered yes and it’s going to work. I yelled at him to get off me and he stormed out as if I’d done something wrong. That was after 8 years of friendship. It was like I suddenly became an object and he had one goal, any care for me as a human being disappeared. We don’t speak anymore.