police

Reader

“Parents dead in murder-suicide at Sugar Land home as 16-year-old daughter slept inside” Instead of: Domestically violent husband kills wife, then himself in Sugar Land They make this appear as if you do not know who the perpetrator is, then the police tell the friends to not talk about a likely disturbing email the morning before the killing. Of course, they wouldn’t report domestic violence.

Kitty

I’ve been reading my local police force’s website recently (which is quite interesting, to be fair), & went onto the section about personal safety. In the section about staying safe while out for the night, there’s the usual implicit victim-blaming stuff along the lines of “remember that alcohol can affect your actions and reactions as well as reduce your ability to be alert – alcohol is the most common date rape drug”, “Don’t drink so much that you are unable to say NO!”, “consider very carefully whether you should leave the pub, club or party with someone you have only just met”, “If you look and act drunk you are more vulnerable – drink responsibly”, etc., etc. Instead of telling people to modify their behaviour to avoid ‘appearing vulnerable’ & therefore be in danger of being raped, how about telling rapists to modify theirs & not rape people?! The piece of ‘advice’ about considering very carefully whether you should leave a pub or wherever with someone you’ve only just met could also be quite triggering for someone who got raped/sexually assaulted on a night out by somebody they met in said establishment, & make them blame themselves even more than they do already for what happened to them. https://www.devon-cornwall.police.uk/advice/your-personal-safety/staying-safe-while-out-for-the-night/ In a similar vein, I was watching an episode of Crimes That Shook Britain recently, about murderer & rapist Angus Sinclair. He met his victims (2 teenage girls) in a pub, & they left the pub with him, after which he raped & murdered them. One of the policemen on the show talking about the case said that that was the worst decision they could’ve made. Victim-blaming much? Why not tell men not to rape & murder teenage girls, instead of criticising victims of rape & murder for leaving pubs with their killers/rapists, & berating them for making ‘bad choices/decisions’? I ask you! And we wonder why rape victims don’t come forward, & why conviction rates are crap. I’m really beginning to despair of the police, frankly.

Em

I reported a former friend to the police for raping me. We’d been seeing each other as friends, and all was consensual until I tried to fight him off me and he held me down and persisted. He did this more than once. I stayed friends with him and tried to forget about it for a whole myriad of psychologically complex reasons until I found out two years later that he had done this to someone else. It brought all of the pain back, and I confronted him. I decided to report because I realised that this is a dangerous man. I felt optimistic about doing the right thing and putting his name on police radar, until I met the detective who was handling the case. He talked down to me, and in the interview he kept interrupting me with questions he wouldn’t let me answer. He asked me why I didn’t tell him to stop and commented on the messages the perpetrator sent me claiming he had no idea (of course the perpetrator is going to deny it after being accused). He kept cutting me off when I was trying to provide more information and it was clear that he had already made his mind up. A month later I was informed that the rape has not been recorded as a crime, on the basis that I didn’t (couldn’t) say stop and the rapist claimed he didn’t mean to do it in the messages he sent me. He will not even be arrested or spoken to, even though there is simply no way it was an accident. Someone who is fighting to get someone off them during sex does not NEED to say no or stop. It is obvious. It is rape. I used to encourage my friends to report their experiences to the police because I thought that they would be taken seriously. But now I have been dismissed, mistreated and not believed by the police and I will not encourage people anymore. Rape myths and rape culture are very much alive and well in police forces and I do not wish this on anyone. Because of police failures to understand consent and associated myths I will very likely never get justice and this man is free to do what he did to me to other women.

angelina russo

I had an ex in my home one day… an ex of 8 years. He got drunk in the middle of the afternoon. He was getting aggressive so I told him to leave. I recorded it on my phone. For the next 2 hours, he sent me obscene texts, shouted at my doors and pryed open my window. After a while he asked for a phone charger to call for a ride, so I opened the front door and tried to hand it to him. He slammed the door on me many times. He spit in my eyes, and I just..I threw a punch. Closed fist, at his eye. Just enough to make it visible I guess. I threatened to call the police. He continued to pull open my windows and call me the N word. I am a blonde 5’2 white woman, just to give you context. I took a shower to drown out the sound. When I turned off the shower he was still outside shouting. I called the police. Im beginning to have PTSD so ill finish it by telling you that they arrested me, did not include any of the details, called it domestic battery because he said he lived at my house (he hadn’t been over in weeks) But they took me in, refused to give me any of my medication (I Have ehlers-danlos syndrome and take anticonvulsants; i also had strep, just confirmed 2 days prior because i USED to be a vpk teacher- they wouldnt give me my antibitotic)anyway. 3months 5000 dollars and much much therapy later they dismissed the case. the police gave false testimony. i read the report. it was a woman who arrested me. as she put me in the car i said “I thought we were supposed to stick together”> To which she said nothing and in the report, was described as a manipulative action. i wasnt allowed in my school the next day. iwas fired. i lost my DCF license and am unemployable because the report went into public records. this asshole had raped me in my sleep, taken pictures when iwas sleeping, hit me, slammed my head against the wall.. damn i could go on and on. he admitted to it all on my phone. ihave a university education from an honors college and a post grad degree in infant mental health. all useless now. because they believed his drunken shit over my sober account. the lawyer called it a travesty. i called it the day i bought my LSATs practice books. i will not abide. thank you for this website

Lillian M.

“Yeah, I hit her, but I have anger issues. She knows I have anger issues, so she shouldn’t have made me mad.” I am a police officer. This is one of the favoured excuses of domestic violence offenders.

Mia

Five months ago I was at a friend’s birthday party. He lives far away from me, so it was arranged that the guests including myself and two girlfriends I shared a car with could spend the night. At about midnight me and a girlfriend go to bed since we’re really tired. About 4–clock I wake up from the feeling of hands on me – one of the other guests (a former classmate whom I’ve only spoken to a few times years ago) is fucking lying next to me trying to feel me up while he thinks I’m asleep. I get up, shaking with fear, and go to the kitchen where I find my guy friend (host of the party) telling him what happened. He tells me to sleep in the kitchen instead and says NOTHING to the creep in the bedroom. The next day, when I get home, I break down crying in front of my fiancée. He helps me call the cops to explain my situation. First, I talk to a male officer. He says “that I’m lucky that nothing more happened”. Next, I talk to a female officer (since I have also have to report the incident in the county where it took place). She takes my statement says that she’ll make sure they’ll give the creep a warning and stay in touch to let me know how the case develops. I never heard from them again. The next day I get a message from creepo saying “That he didn’t know what he ever did to me and that I should really think about the fact that I could ruin his life”… HIS. Life.

Anonymous

When I was in Year 8 at secondary school, I was sexually assaulted. We were in art class, our art teacher was demonstrating so we were stood gathered round her. I was wearing a skirt with ankle socks as it was hot weather, suddenly I felt a boys hand go up my skirt and touch my bum. I froze. I pushed his hand away. After my teacher had finished we returned to our seats. The girl next to me could see something was wrong, I told her what had happened. She told me the same boy had groped her and 3 other girls and the school were already aware. She asked me to tell a teacher, she went and fetched one, we went into another room. The teacher was quite genuine and understanding, what I didn’t know at the time was that she would be the only one who would be. They contacted my parents, whom went on to contact the police. After a few days they came round, took my statement and said it wasn’t in my best interest to press charges as it would ruin his life and he would probably learn from this with just a telling off. Bare in mind I was his 5th victim by now. The school agreed to move him out of my classes and he was suspended for a week. After a year he was let back into my classes and the school completely forgot about it. He told everyone I was a liar, eventually I moved schools.

S

Shana Grice, 19 years old, was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. She had reported his abusive stalking of her repeatedly to police. The police fined her for wasting their time and treated her reports with skepticism. Thankfully, the ex-boyfriend was found guilty and is now serving a life sentence. But this case just goes to show how little women can reply on the police to take them seriously. The judge criticised the police for their attitude towards her and for stereotyping her. How many more women need to die before we are taken seriously and afforded the rights and protection that we deserve?

Jelena

Last Friday i was in Vienna with a friend of mine and we were just having a walk and at the moment there are a lot of asyls from afganistan and so on which are also in linz where i am from, and im used to it to get some comments about my appearance and my look. But it’s not about them now. So we were walking and there was a policeman and he was really goodlooking, a very pretty man, i said to my friend “look at hin he’s so pretty” he didn’t hear this he was too far aways . I wore black leather trousers. im 17 and he was about 35 & he was a damn policeman, so we passed by him when he said ” Sexy trousers” i said what ? he smiled with a dirty face and said again ” you’re wearing hot trousers” I was confused and frightened because on the same day i got botheres a few times more by asyls.. and instead of taking care to make me feel safe or not that low there is this policeman flirting with me.

Marie

I was on the bus to work a few months back when an argument erupted between the (female) bus driver and a (female) passenger due to the driver asking the passenger to move her mini-suitcase which was blocking the aisle. The passenger refused and started shouting abuse at the driver, using disgusting language. It got to the point where the driver stopped the bus and asked her to get off but she refused and continued to give a torrent of abuse so the driver called the police. We were waiting for the police to arrive and several passengers started talking to the passenger, asking her to apologise to the driver and saying that they were “just as bad as each other”. Eventually another bus pulled up behind us and as we got onto it the (male) bus driver said “oh she should have just ignored her and got on with her job”. Now I was annoyed as everybody else about the interruption to my journey but I completely supported the actions that the driver took. At the end of the day the driver shouldn’t have to put up with that level of abuse from a passenger while she is simply doing her job. Her colleague should have supported her, not told her to “get on with it”, likewise the other passengers should have been more sympathetic instead of getting annoyed that their journey was delayed. It shocks me how this abuse of a woman simply doing her job was normalised, the other passengers and the male bus driver seemed to think that she should just put up with the abuse and get on with it. I have worked in customer service before, and I would not have put up with that level of abuse. I’m now a criminal prosecutor and know that she had every right to call the police. It makes me wonder what would have happened had the passenger and driver been of different genders? If the abusive passenger had been a man would the same approach have been taken? Similarly if the driver had been a man I reckon the second driver would probably have backed him up, not said he should just “get on with it”.