I was in a relationship with a guy who would”joke” and mock all my beliefs in feminism, gay and trans rights etc. He’d tell me he was definitely right and went so far as to tell me that I had to agree with him because he is a man and I am a woman and women should listen and submit to mens wishes. He would pressure me into sex and if I said no my reason had to be good enough. He would joke about hurting me. he’d wrestle me and tell me that I was weak and couldn’t fight my way out or he pull out a knife and pretend to threaten me. He would fight with me about wanting to sleep with other women or “side hoes”, he used shitty sexist language all the time. He broke up with me and told me he never wanted to see me again, I got black out drunk at a friends birthday when he wasn’t speaking with me and he took me to his house (after I threw up on the bus) and raped me when I while I was unconscious. Sexism starts small and gets big. It’s easier than you think to be manipulated by someone you love, I was 17/18.
Content warning: Sexually aggressive themes Ever since early high-school I hear from friends and the media that women like men who are rough and mean. I’ve grown up on a steady diet of porn that tells me that women like to choke on d*ck and be spanked and pushed around. I overheard a girl in my secondary school saying that she got bored of her boyfriend being nice and wishes he would call her a bitch. All girls I’ve ever been with have been sexually submissive. It leaves me feeling scared that if I’m too nice, I will lose the person I love. My girlfriend stops me when I half jokingly tell her she’s ‘my bitch’ and when I’m too aggressive in bed I’m grateful for that because I never want to hurt her.
When I was 15 with my first ever boyfriend after only two weeks he forced me into a sexual encounter. The first time I ever ‘took part’ in foreplay he held me down and when I protested he said ‘just let me’. I knew it was wrong and he manipulated me into thinking I was over reacting. He told me after a month of us being together he felt we should have sex. At 15 I was entirely not ready for this. He said all of his friends had had sex and he would have to soon. He made me feel he would leave me if I didn’t. After less than two months he forced me to have sex with him. Every time I would say no he told me ‘just wait; you’ll like it soon’. I never felt able to tell anybody about this or even acknowledge it as what it was which was sexual assault and rape. Your project is so amazingly helpful to women who feel the same as I did. Thank you
I am from Eastern Europe n I am 21. I study programming and want to work in an IT-company. Progressive boys are so rare things here so I didn’t want to marry in my motherland, I wanted to get a working visa in the West and find a husband there. But was so glad when I met one guy. He told me he likes me coz I am independent (as a rule, boys here don’t like strong girls), he told he likes the power inside of me. He supported many of my odd-for-our-common-cuture opinions and he supported my career n study. I thought I found a real feminist. I promised him to be his wife after the University n we even had sex. If u think I want to show off u r mistaken. Situation started to change so rapidly. He started to tell me his mom wants a baby (both of us r students without job). He wants me to change my clothes. He is jeavelous as hell but attends dating sites himself. He tells me if I have no job I have to serve him. But it is so hard to find an IT-job for a woman in such a traditional place like mine n he knows it! He wants me to refuse my IT-ambitions. He asks my fb password. I am not sure what to do. It is so difficult to break up coz I already know his family n he knows mine. And I still love him anyway. I really don’t know what to do.
Old men have always loved me, in more than one way. I’m a 20 year old college student and was formerly in the resturaunt and hotel business and have gotten many comments. “Bring my food bitch” from an old drunk at the bar “where’s the skirt?” As a housekeeper. I have literally gotten marriage proposals from customers as a server by a man older than my father. All of this fed in my confidence issues which made it unfathomably easy for me to get sodamized in an abusive relationship and put up with it for almost 3 years. Which is now in my past and I am currently in therapy but we need to teach our sons to be respectful so we don’t get as many harmful men.
So I was seeing a guy (who may I say was very athletic and seemed very nice) and we were going shopping. During this trip he suddenly turns to me and sais that I should be pushing the trolley as that’s what women are for… as if that wasn’t enough of an insult he goes on to explain to me about how women are beneath men and should bow down to them. I thought this was a joke of course and laughed… he didn’t think it was so funny. I got out of there faster than light.
I was recently dating a guy who had the same level of education as I did. We both were proud of personal involvements in industries such as the art, politics and economics and naturally we were both very opinionated on the goings-on in society and wider-culture. We would often enter debates about politics. (this was a hot topic as Britain had just voted to leave the EU) and whilst I love debating ideas, hearing the thoughts of others I found that he was willing but only up to a certain extent. We would be debate, sometimes disagreeing before he would suddenly reach over and kiss me and say “enough of this talk about politics” as if I should be more interested in kissing and sex than Britain’s political climate
The other night while walking home, i realized that i am stronger than he is. It was an idea i’ve never considered before. Me, stronger than the man I love. What if I know it, and he never does? Can I accept that role? Will it comfort me, or make me feel alone? The very idea of it made me feel like my whole world was turning upside down. And what if I’ve been the strong one before? But I’ve never felt it. Never acknowledged the possibility. I think it’s fine to say that women and men can have varying roles within a relationship. But when you actually find yourself filling a role you never saw yourself in. It’s a strange feeling to sit with. I still don’t know how I feel about it.
When I was younger, we had my aunt over for dinner. We were talking, and she asked me about my social status. Back then I was in a relationship with my current boyfriend, about 3 or 4 years together. She congratulated me and approved. She then made the same question to my older brother, who was single at the time, and her reply was “Oh! even better, boys need to have fun!” Sometimes is us women, who encourage this stupid behavior of men being with many women before they settle but us girls can only be with one or two, or else we are promiscuous, not taken seriously or worse.