I´m am 19 and writing a thesis on sexualised assault on women. I was supposed to be finished in June, but whilst writing in January i had a mental breakdown, because I realised the depth of my own experiences. Especially one incident, that occurred 2 years prior, where a friend, that I loved deeply but platonically, sexually abused me. Until January I was mostly convinced that everything was mostly my fault because my heart would break even more knowing that he could and would do such a thing to me.
Since then I have begun to grasp the daily sexism and violations against me and remember my naïve conversation with a guy who repeatedly tried to force himself on me and stopping after repeatedly saying no and or running away. When he realised the vileness of his actions he sat down with me one day and told me how sorry he was and that he sees now the barbarity he had done, I responded (at the age around 16) with: don’t worry about it, I’m used to it, happens all the time.