At a house party full of friends I was sexually assaulted. A male friend, with his girlfriend present upstairs, complained about his relationship with her. He stated how miserable he was, that having sex with her was like ‘shagging a sister’. I was extremely uncomfortable and reiterated that the relationship should end and dodged his company.
Later that evening he followed me to the kitchen where he continued to share faults about his girlfriend. I was alone and when I went to leave he shoved his hand down my top, into my bra and grabbed my breast. He would not let go, I had to peel his fingers away while telling him no. He rammed his face into mine, scratched my neck and breasts and attempted to kiss me while repeatedly groping me. I shoved him away and he came back. I shoved him more forcefully and was able to get away.
I didn’t tell anyone. I felt guilty and I blamed myself and deep down I suspected everyone else would too.
Later that night, the man who assaulted me ran off. We all went searching for him as he was drunk and we were surrounded by hidden ditches, many rivers and a canal. Everyone, including myself, worried that he may end up drowning. We did find him and suddenly I wished that we hadn’t, I couldn’t believe that I had that thought.
I became depressed, I shut myself off and had repeates nightmares of being raped. Often by men that I identified as friends.
Eventually I did tell my three closest female friends who were incredible and they challenged him. Only one is still friends with him now. But it was more the predictable behaviour of the males in my groups, when they found out they did nothing. I was removed from the friendship group and stayed friends with the man guilty of sexual assault. Even his girlfriend blamed me.
The attitude towards it is so disheartening (understatement). Even when I told my mum about it she responded with ‘he can’t help it, he must really like you’. My boyfriend couldn’t understand it until I told him every heartwrenchijg detail several months after the sexual assult. I had to almost prove that 1) it is bad 2) I was the victim. I couldn’t get empathy from majority of my friends and family. So why would you ever report it?