family

Mollie

I was around 9 when my cousin groped and cornered me in my grandparents closet space during a game of ‘hide-and-seek’. My cousin was a year older and at the time I didn’t know that this was not normal. My cousin’s father found us and didn’t say anything about what he saw. I buried this right down inside me to a point where I forgot about it until I was 15 and groped on the street in a public place. This older man was running down the street and groped me first and another lady further down. My mother asked what was wrong (I had made a noise) and I started crying and pointing at the man, just before he groped the other woman, people around me stared and I instantly felt awkward and out of place. My mother travelled overseas that day and I was left at home with my dad and brother. I made a report with the police 2 weeks later because I didn’t want to go with my dad to the police station. Before my mum left at the airport my dad made a comment about “how I should be grateful that someone had an interest in me.” From there I was cornered again at a party by an older guy who started to touch me. I continued to be around him until it was time to leave with my family. It was 2 days later that I told my mum and we didn’t do anything. My boyfriend then dumped me because I was too afraid to be touched and was instantly triggered by these incidents. I received therapy that helped by I still tend to go on a downwards spiral. I put on weight thinking that no one would want to touch me then and constantly wore daggy clothes. I get nervous in crowds and hold my hands behind me (over my butt) when i walk in them. I’m 18 now and one small trigger could make me spiral into taking 2 weeks off school where I would spend it in bed. My mum told me that I had to stop calling these incidents ‘sexual assault’ because it’s not like I was raped or anything.

Alexa

I am happily married ( to a man ) for several years, no children, and pursuing a career in academic surgery. At a recent large, family gathering, having been telling my aunt (a teacher!!!) my upcoming career endeavors, she leans in to give me hug goodbye and whispers into my ear ” I wish you a baby”.

Julia

my brother (who is almost 11) has been watching right-wing sexist idiots on youtube and has decided that feminists are crazy and that women actually have more rights then men! i dont know how to explain to him that he’s wrong, because he just ignores me. for example i sent him this article about why we still need feminism and he refused to read more than the first paragraph. he has started acting more sexist and ignorant recently honestly wtf do i dooooo

Woman to woman

My husband and I have been married 2 years and together 7. We do not have any kids but would like to in the future. I have a wonderful career going that I am fortunate enough to work for a company that wants me to grow in my career. My husband cheers me on in my work and supports all that I do. We believe we are a team him and I take care of each other and when we have children we are a team and we raise them and we provide for them. My mother in law doesn’t know when we plan on having kids but once said to me “a working wife is an insult to the husband. It takes the pride of being a man away from him. It is best for the kids of you are a stay at home mom and it is selfish if you have a career.”

Clare

My conversation Me: i dont want marriage or children, i never have Them: youll change your mind/youre too young to think that/you havent met the right man yet/tell me in 10years when youre married with kids etc My boyfriends conversation Him: i dont want marriage or children. I never have Them: what about your partner? Him: she doesnt want that either Them: sweet/lucky/highfives all round Why cant i get that reaction for knowing what i want with my life? Why is he lucky but im deluded?

Z

My brother used to try to take showers with me, to have sleepovers with me, and i other stuff, and as a younger kid, i never thought anything of it. Now, he will randomly burst in on me while I’m undressing in my room, open the curtain while I’m showering, make weird comments on my developing body, and other weird stuff. When i have friends over, he will sit outside my door and listen to our conversations. He is 8, in second grade, and i am 12, in 6th grade. This is sort of creepy, and i wish he would stop. The thing is, he is emotionally delicate, and anything negative i say about him will make him have a meltdown. I tried telling him to go away when he walks in on me, i try telling him to stop listening to my conversations, to stop saying things like “i just noticed you have armpit hairs!” In public, but he doesn’t listen. I shouldn’t have to be scared of a boy who is 4 years younger and foot shorter than me. I tried telling my parents. They wont listen. “He’s only 8” “he just wants your company” “he looks up to you” no, he looks up my skirts. I’m not the only one who feels uncomfortable like this at home, but the thing is, when they are your family, they tend not to listen to you when you say no.

Stine

I started wearing make up when I was 14 years old. I’ve always loved to work with colored eyeshadow at home, and really try to play with it and better my skills. When I’d been in our bathroom for usually more than half an hour, my mom would always say the same thing to get me to stop: She’d say “No man wants a wife who cannot go out in public without spending a lot of time on her appearance.” Sometimes she’d also tell me that if I went out wearing the same amount of make up that I did when I practiced my skills at home, I would attract r*pe perpetrators “on purpose” – like it was a thing I could control.

Lía

My aunt remember me a lot of times that I should get married and have kids because I’m woman, and be a mother is part of a woman

Sarah

I was at a family dinner tonight, and we had an older (mid 60’s) male cousin over who I had not seen in a couple of years. He is an extremely wealthy, self-made businessman, and an outspoken philanthropist with many succesful projects. He asked me how life is, and I was really excited to tell him about my new job as I now work in the nonprofit industry. I mentioned I started a new job and he said “that’s nice! Are you still single though? Playing the field?”. I am 23. I was really taken aback, because I was so ready to talk about my job and because he’s a super liberal guy, but I was especially annoyed when I noticed he was having conversations with men about their jobs during dinner. I’ll never understand why it’s more important for me to declare to extended family members that I have a new boyfriend than it is to be proud and excited to talk about my career.

Sam

I went on a camping trip with my aunt’s family this summer. We rented an RV and got to watch the camping company back our RV into the campsite. Part 1: The driver of the RV was a woman, middle-aged, and clearly very experienced. My younger cousin commented, “Watch out – she might hit something. Women can’t drive.” He is nine years old. Part 2: I was shocked and said, “That’s sexist.” Now, he and his siblings looked shocked. Their eyes were big and round, and all three of them quickly glanced at their mom, who hadn’t heard what I said, then quickly turned back to me. The same kid that had just said, “Women can’t drive,” urgently whispered, “Don’t say that aloud! That’s a bad word!” Me: “What? ‘Sexist’?” He frantically nodded his head. His younger brother (6 years old) and older sister (11 years old) both glanced back at their mom, then slowly backed away. Me: “If you can be sexist, I can call you out for being sexist.” It is shameful that the same parents displaying everyday sexism by making demeaning comments about women have also taught their children that using a word that brings attention to discrimination is “bad and “wrong” because it shares a root with the word “sex”. It is disappointing that my three cousins are being brought up to be accepting of and practice everyday sexism themselves. The same people who are supposed to teach them fairness and equality are teaching them to condone demeaning behavior towards half the world’s population. I miss my cousins now that I’m back home, and pray that they will become respectful to all, irrespective of the sexism present in their home. I worry for my female cousin, who is being told through everyday, casual sexism that she will never be as powerful as her brothers. Even a woman well into her 40’s maneuvering an RV backwards with expertise is incapable due to gender in the eyes of my cousin’s family.