Reading some comments via the #whenIwas hashtag got me thinking about some of my own experiences. Here are those that came to mind in about 10 minutes. the list is not exhaustive:
#whenIwas 8 a man walking towards me and my mum suddenly bent down in front of me and took a photograph of me
#whenIwas 10 a family friend bought me earrings
#whenIwas 14 the same family friend was asked to leave a jumble sale I was volunteering at and he was lurking at
#whenIwas 13 a man pulled up his car in front of me and a friend – he was masturbating
#whenIwas 16 my friend’s stepdad kissed me goodnight on the lips when I was staying at his house and smacked my bum as I went upstairs
#whenIwas 18 a motorcycle slowed and the man on the front of it grabbed my breast before speeding off again
#whenIwas 18 a man waved his penis at me through a café window
#whenIwas 19 my ex boyfriend’s best friend pinned me down on a bed. I forced him off. I was later interviewed by the police about a rape accusation against him
#whenIwas 23 and stood with a new group of friends in a very busy bar a man put his hand up my skirt – it was crowded and I couldn’t see who he was so I didn’t tell anyone.
#whenIwas 23 a colleague told the rest of our team that we were sleeping together. We weren’t. He told them I wanted to keep it a secret because the things we were doing were so kinky. He told them we were in a relationship and arranged for us to be given a shared bedroom when we were working away. I thought he was my closest friend.
#whenIwas 29 a man stretched out his elbows next to me on the tube and slowly started pressing one elbow against my chest and then rubbing it up and down
#whenIwas 30 I was regularly called “darling” and “flower” and “sweetheart” by two men who were a lot older than me and yet whose work I was responsible for reviewing. Ironically, we screening job candidates for racism, homophobia and, yes, sexism.
These are just a few that I could think of and a few I felt comfortable saying (there are others that I didn’t). The list doesn’t include the multiple wolf whistles, ‘cheer up’s’, leering, suggestive comments, situations I evaded, boyfriends and partners pushing against the word ‘no’. And, truly, compared to so many other women, my experiences are very insignificant. They’re pretty average, I would bet.