Fuzet

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Those of you who follow my posts would know that they are fairly happy. Not today. Today I’m having a rant.

I feel astonished at how people assume I have no identity or ability of my own. Never mind that I have a law degree from Cambridge, am a triple qualified lawyer as a barrister at Middle Temple Inn, an advocate & solicitor in Singapore and Malaysia, a masters in shipping law from Southampton University, and numerous papers as well as co-authoring a book on ship finance law in Singapore and Malaysia (the more boring it is, the more intellectual 😁).

None of this appears on my forehead naturally. What does appear on my forehead apparently is ‘I am with him ➡️’.

To my guy friends, when we are next out-and-about getting something done, please remind me to wear my ‘I am NOT with him ➡️’ t-shirt. Even though I am with you. I mean, getting coffee or stuff. I mean, … Forget it 😅

This is not a showing-off post. This is a post to show experiences of societal perceptions of single women.

If any of you think to report me to the tax authorities, as I’ve already told an fb ‘friend’ who said I’ll be audited by the ‘new government’ for undeclared income, I’ve already been audited by the ‘previous government’, and I have no undeclared income 😁

True to my K-drama lockdown obsession, and as a nod to my English drama past, my rant is in the form of a script. Here it is:

I AM NOT WITH HIM

Act 1 Scene 1

Me: (entering yacht club to book yacht for party)
Yacht guy: (talking to a group of guys about some yachts)
Me: (waiting for my turn)
Yacht guy: (talking some more to group of guys about other yachts)
Me: (still waiting)
Yacht guy: (talking even more to same group of guys about further yachts)
Me: Excuse me, do you have a brochure or something about yacht hire rates?
Yacht guy: Oh I thought you were with them!
Me: No I am not with them.

Act 1 Scene 2

Me: (entering Sentosa Cove building management office)
Office lady: Are you with him? (Pointing to Caucasion guy on the other side of the room)
Me: No. I am not with him.

Act 1 Scene 3

Me: (entering used Porsche shop)
Sales guys: (talking to other guy customers)
Me: (browsing the used Porsche cars)
Sales guys: (talking to some more guy customers)
Me: Excuse me, does this 718 Cayman include a sports exhaust?
Sales guy: Oh I thought you were with him! (Pointing to guy customer sitting with his wife and kids).
Me: No. I am not with him.
Sales guy: To drive this car you must place your hands on the steering wheel 10:10 and use the clutch pedal simultaneously with the brake pedal and accelerator.
Me: I know that.
Sales guy: You must earn at least $12,500 a month.
Me: Oh ok. (Slowly dawns on me that 1. He thinks I can’t afford it 2. I can afford a brand new one) Where’s the brand new Porsche showroom?

Act 2 Scene 1

Me: (entering brand new Porsche showroom)
Sales guy: Madame, how may I help you?
Me: I’m interested in your 718 Cayman.
Sales guy: Please follow me. (I’m taken to a room, am given excellent service, plied with food, none of which is halal though 😅 It’s the same price as a one-yr-old car. Good call.)
Me: (I do not buy because I don’t like how it drives, my daughter gripes ‘It’s flexing mummy!’, and in this pandemic that cash is better put to use helping others.)(I might still buy though. Just out of ego.)

Act 2 Scene 2

Me: (buying a horse)

This is a totally different episode. With a whole host of other issues. Like all good K-dramas there are 16 episodes. But I won’t bore you with the rest.

Thanks for listening ✌🏼